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Top 20 TLO articles of 2024… so far.

Is Earth moving faster around the sun?

I know the calendar says "July" and the thermometer seems to confirm it, but my internal clock is saying we should still be in mid-March, not the dawn of the dog days of summer. I guess the wise man who once told me that, as we age, the years start to go by like seasons was onto something. 

Louis and I will be taking the rest of the week off for a nice 4th of July refresh. While we dodge fireworks and melt in the sun, I figured we'd take a chronological look back at the Top 20 posts of the Year, so far. 

These articles have been clicked and viewed about 500,000 or so times, and provide a solid look back at all the fun and madness that’s happened in our state over the past six months. 

Also, this would probably be a good time to remind you that you can enroll as a new TLO subscriber for a low introductory subscription price of just $0.59 for the first month, with the option to cancel at any time.  

Anyway, here we go – the Top 20 TLO posts of 2024… so far. 

1. TLO unveils plans to build world's second-largest skyscraper in Oklahoma City!

Date: 1/2/2024

What We Wrote: After consulting with local architects, developers, and, most importantly, PR professionals who told us it’s an easy way to generate publicity and earned media from the desperate local news media that will treat any far-fetched idea seriously, The Lost Ogle is proud to announce our plan to construct a $4-billion dollar, 2,500 foot TLO headquarters in downtown Oklahoma City just across the street from the OKC cockring.

Related: KOSU totally ignores TLO Tower of Excellence…

2. Mystery Drone Pilot Tags Moore with Giant Rainbow Dildos...

Date: 1/11/2024

What We Wrote: Thanks to a tip via the Ogle Mole Network, we’ve learned that a mysterious drone pilot has gone on a devious rampage in the OKC suburb of Moore, using super-gripped suction cups to slap massive rainbow dildos around various gspots in the community.

Related: Wrecked semi shoots load of dildos and lube all over I-40…

3. Secretly recorded staff meeting reveals big problems at Paycom…

Date: 1/18/2024

What We Wrote: Earlier this week we acquired via the Ogle Mole Network a 23-minute-long audio recording of an all-hands-on-deck product department staff meeting led by Paycom CEO Chad Richison.

Taking place on January 9th, Richison told his product team that he’s “embarrassed” by the company’s software and that he’s canceling all of his 2024 ski trips because the only thing he wants to do in 2024 is “fix the product.”

Related: Paycom Co-CEO Resigns After Three Months on the Job…

4. Weather Fight! Aaron Tuttle launches smear campaign on "Weather Watch Oklahoma" Guy!

Date: 1/23/2024

What We Wrote: I’m not a libel and defamation lawyer who specializes in libel and defamation law, but should Aaron really be calling a competitor who literally completed a 53-credit hour course in meteorology from an accredited American university a Con Man?

It’s not like Michael went to KFOR Weather School, bought an old Dominator from Reed Timmer, and then went cruising around town selling everyone tornado timeshares and inland hurricane insurance!

5. Baptists to Colonize Bricktown...

Date: 2/14/2024

What We Wrote: This sure is going to suck if you’re a server in the Bricktown area!

Baptists like to tip as much as Atheists like to tithe, so I’d encourage all Bricktown eateries to impose an 18% auto-gratuity on all people who work in the Baptist Building, otherwise they won’t be able to find employees. 

6. Ryan Walters puts his deranged mark on Oklahoma “Teacher of the Year” selection process…

Date: 2/22/2024

What We Wrote: To help determine this year’s Oklahoma Teacher of the Year, Ryan has apparently organized a special selection committee to vet and review candidates.

I have no clue who’s on the committee, but based on some of the questions they’re allegedly asking teachers, I’m going to assume the co-chairs are The Real Ron RonThe Libs of TikTok Lady, and Leonard “Ol Ranger” Scott.

Related: 10 other unusual questions Ryan Walters is probably asking Teacher of the Year candidates…

7. OKC Bro's Outrageous "Satirical" Lie Goes Viral on TikTok...

Date: 2/23/2024

What We Wrote: Earlier this week, Wesley – a crypto bro who claims he’s made millions hawking a “100% guaranteed to work” cryptocurrency trading system – shared a sensational, hard-to-believe story about how the OKCPD SWAT team swarmed his house after his daughter accidentally called 911 while he was playing Fortnite or something.

The story doesn’t contain a punchline, joke, or any disclaimer that what he’s telling you is false. Instead, he passes the entire thing off as the truth.

Related: OKC Crypto Bro still sharing fanciful viral lies on TikTok...

8. Filth-Loathing Oklahoma Lawmaker Has Hardcore Instagram Model Fetish…

Date: 2/28/2024

What We Wrote: Thanks to a hard-hitting TLO investigation that required hours and hours of rigorous study, research, and analysis, we’ve determined that approximately 50% – if not more – of the 938 people Tom follows on Instagram are hot female Instagram influencer model babe types who love to share revealing, provocative and "filthy" photos of their boobs, abs, and asses that would make any church deacon blush.

For example, one account Tom follows is "mybossgirls" – a popular feed that features videos of women and their boobs happily bouncing around…

Related: Lawmaker wants students to be as uninformed about sex as he is…

9. Sellout Crowd Lays-Off Staff and Is Officially on the Ropes...

Date: 3/5/2024

What We Wrote: Yesterday afternoon, the Oklahoma City sports media scene learned that – the Toby Keith and Bob Stoops-backed sports media website that arrogantly announced its arrival back in August – has parted ways with a good chunk of its content creators and beat writers.  

The scene unfolded like a sad melodrama on Xitter, with content creator after content creator begrudgingly announcing they’ve hit the local sports media waiver wire, even though they were allegedly promised the start-up had three years of funding to cover salaries.

Related: Sellout Crowd throws in the towel...

10. Grady County Commissioner admits he discriminates against Democrats...

Date: 3/26/2024

What We Wrote: Thanks to a tip via the Ogle Mole Network, we’ve learned that Kirk Painter – a good ol’ boy Republican Grady County Commissioner – will ignore various citizen requests submitted by registered Democrats.

We know this because Kirk admitted to the discriminatory behavior that denies certain citizens equal rights under the law due to their political beliefs in a County Commissioners meeting on March 3rd, 2024.

While Kirk and the other two commissioners – Zachary Davis and Gary Bray – were motioning and signing permits and orders regarding speed limit changes, pipeline installations and other mundane county affairs, Painter looked around the room and said the words that every member of the press loves to hear in a recorded open meeting – ”I can say this with the newspaper people gone now…”

11. Text messages reveal Brent Swadley's deception, and concerns about future of "White Race"

Date: 3/27/2024

What We Wrote: For the most part, the 150-page PDF is pretty mundane and full of boring deposition, appraisal info, and other court documents, but it does include some text messages between Brent Swadley and his co-defendant Curt Breuklander that are juicier than a big pile of brisket.

On the topic of brisket, they also reveal Brent Swadley has some concerns about the future of the White race.

Related: Swadley's fails in sad attempt to buy "Best Of" recognition…

12. News 9 Lays Off Pregnant Meteorologist Amid Morning Show "Restructure"

Date: 4/11/2024

What We Wrote: Thanks to a tip via the Ogle Mole Network, we’ve learned “Oklahoma’s Own” News 9 is “restructuring” its morning programming as part of a plan to cut costs and address slagging ratings.

The changes include:

– Laying off morning meteorologist/traffic reporter Hannah Scholes just three weeks after she announced her second pregnancy live on the air. They’re also not filling a couple of vacant producer positions.

– Moving American badass Storme Jones from the morning couch to the afternoon anchor desk. The new morning anchor team will consist of Robin Marsh, Lacey Lowry, and something called a Colby Thelen.

– Canceling its early morning “News 9 First @ 4:00am” newscast, which effectively pushes the start of the morning show to 4:30am.

Related: Hail No! Another morning TV meteorologist leaves the OKC weather scene…

13. Edmond Community Enjoying New Phallic Fun Park…

Date: 4/12/2024

What We Wrote: Thanks to a tip via the Ogle Mole Network, we’ve learned the new playground equipment installed at historic Stephenson Park is erecting immature smiles and giggles across the faces of Edmond residents.

Located only a mile or two from the fabled Morning Woods neighborhood, the centerpiece of the remodeled 130-year-old park is a futuristic slide that residents have given various nicknames, ranging from the Magic Thruster to the Penile Shoot to the Strap-On-Slide-Down

Related: Edmond Public Schools engage in charity toe-sucking, too!

14. OKGOP County Official is Homicidal Maniac Behind Panhandle Murders…

Date: 4/16/2024

What We Wrote: Last night, an Ogle Mole let us know that Tifany Adams – the evil grandma who OSBI claims viciously murdered Jilian Kelley and Veronica Butler in the Oklahoma panhandle as part of a child custody dispute – is the former chair of the Cimarron County Republican Party...

The news about Tifany's GOP ties has hardly been covered in the legitimate media. Maybe this is because they're uninformed, but in today’s vitriolic and divisive political climate, you'd think some new outlet would capitalize on this very clickable curiosity.

15. New Twisters Trailer Released: Movie Looks Like a Disaster

Date: 5/10/2024

What We Wrote: I’m not 100% sure what the movie’s plot is or even if that matters, but it appears Twisters follows the standard disaster flick playbook, featuring a heavy dose of action-packed, CGI-crafted, totally unrealistic scenes catered for people who watch network TV and eat at Applebee’s.

16. Val and Amy survive terrifying wreck while storm chasing...

Date: 5/20/2024

What We Wrote: Last night, the couple was roughed up in a scary wreck on I-40 while pursuing a pesky little batch of surprise twister-poppers in the far west metro for News 9.

The accident was streamed live on air, and – thanks to the horrifying screams from Amy – it seems like it was a pretty terrifying ordeal. 

17. Oklahoma Sports Announcer Likes Hot Soccer Moms…

Date: 5/30/2024

What We Wrote: Toby Moore – a low-level PA announcer from Tulsa who once competed on Wheel of Fortune – achieved Internet infamy this week after he was caught on a hot mic insulting the skill level of high school soccer players and ogling their hot moms. 

It sounded like the typical male conversation you’d hear at any Hooters, construction site, board room, state capitol, prayer breakfast, or, well, high school stadium, but because the stooge was dumb enough to say it on a hot mic for the world to hear, it quickly went viral across the sports social media blogosphere scene.

18. Ryan Walters Goes Bonkers for Paul Bondar…

Date: 6/10/2024

What We Wrote: The ad, which resembles a day-time TV commercial for personal injury attorneys who can't afford a tailor, shows a disheveled Ryan – with sleeves rolled up like he just tussled with the owner of the Harbor Mountain Coffee Shop – standing next to a silent and somewhat confused Bondar, informing the masses he’s the only Oklahoma politician who’s psychotic enough to endorse a Texan. 

Related: Paul Bondar's vehicle spotted in Oklahoma wild!

19. OKC Heartthrob Turned California Homewrecker: Paco Balderama's Shocking Scandal Rocks Fresno!

Date: 6/11/2024

What We Wrote: It looks like Paco’s good looks, charming demeanor, and, uhm, lack of moral character may be the tragic flaw combo that leads to his demise.

According to various Fresno media reports, Paco’s days as the police chief of the San Joaquin hamlet appear to be coming to a controversial end after he was caught having an “inappropriate relationship” with a non-city employee...

“Big deal. He had an affair. That stuff happens all the time. If it wasn’t with an employee or subordinate, is it really a fireable offense?”

Normally, I’d agree with you, but what Paco did was perhaps worse than hooking up with one of his employees! He had a lengthy two-year relationship with an employee’s wife!

Related: Paco Hunkerrama resigns as Fresno Police Chief…

20. Norman Councilman caught on mic sharing vulgar disdain for jeering citizens…

Date: 6/12/2024

What We Wrote: Earlier this week, the Norman City Council held an at-times contentious debate over the proposed University North Park development – a project that would build and fund through TIFs a $230 million arena for OU.

At one point in the evening, when the council was trying to determine when or even if they should put the question to a likely non-binding vote of the people, Peacock filed a motion to hold the election in July.

His suggestion was greeted with jeers and boos from the loud and vocal anti-arena crowd who always attend and make noise at things like this. Peacock didn’t appreciate it, so he whined a bit, and then, when he thought no one could hear him, said…

Related: Norman Councilman Sorry He Called Residents "F*ck*ng Assh*l*s"

That concludes the wrap-up! Have a happy 4th of July and enjoy the fireworks!

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