Before we take down the Christmas Trees, pack up the inflatable snowman, and mentally and physically return from the holiday break, we have some very cool news to announce.
We’re building a giant skyscraper!
After consulting with local architects, developers, and, most importantly, PR professionals who told us it’s an easy way to generate publicity and earned media from the desperate local news media that will treat any far-fetched idea seriously, The Lost Ogle is proud to announce our plan to construct a $4-billion dollar, 2,500 foot TLO headquarters in downtown Oklahoma City just across the street from the OKC cockring.
Here’s a rendering of the massive structure:
Here’s what it will look like when fully erect over the downtown skyline:
When completed, The TLO Tower of Excellence will be the world’s second-largest skyscraper, only a few hundred feet smaller than Dubia’s Burj Khalifa.
“From high atop this preach, I’ll be able to locate all of the metro’s finest taquerias and gas station cuisine,” said TLO food writer Louis Fowler. “No jalapeno popper or chunk of barbacoa will be safe! Cómpralo ya!”
In addition to serving as TLO’s home office, the skyscraper will offer unaffordable housing, overflood the market with office space, and provide a variety of hip, cool, overpriced restaurants that will likely close 12 - 18 months after opening.
In fact, 80 stories of the tower will be dedicated to apartments, 40 will be reserved for offices, and 20 will be home to Ogle Quest – the world’s largest virtual reality laser tag course. It will also house a variety of restaurants, retail establishments, and a storm chaser training academy.
“This aspirational and totally attainable project will not only give us enough space for a podcast studio, but also help house our operations for the day we finally reach 2,000 paying monthly subscribers,” said Patrick Riley, founder and publisher of The Lost Ogle.
“It will also redefine the Oklahoma City skyline, and cement our city’s status as a Big League City, " Riley added. "And since its chances of coming to full fruition are just as high as the super theme park in Vinita, or the recently proposed Bricktown Boardwalk tower, I can’t wait to see all the local media coverage it generates. Actually, Steve Lackmeyer is calling me now. Got to go!”
A Groundbreaking ceremony for the project is scheduled for Wednesday, January 17th at 2pm (weather permitting). It will be followed by juice, refreshments, and a live performance by Edgar Cruz at the OKC Cock Ring.
For more information on the project, contact us at tips@thelostogle.com, or just wait until we fully get back in the flow of things later this week.
Stay with The Lost Ogle. We’ll keep you advised.
