I hope everyone had a nice weekend!
Well, at least a nicer one than Ryan Walters and his team of staffers, advisors, and lawyers – who I assume spent of their time clearing search histories, deleting videos, and accidentally dropping their state-issued laptops into swimming pools.
As you’ve probably heard, Ryan Walters broke the local Internet on Friday afternoon after news reports came out alleging he aired a retro video showing nude women with hairy bushes visiting a chiropractic clinic on his office TV screen during a state board meeting.
It was such a big deal that I even worked on Friday afternoon to get an article out.
Since the initial report came out, we’ve had other developments occur over the weekend.
I thought a good way to get caught up, recap what’s happened, and speculate on what happens next would be to put together a quick and simple Ryan Walters Office Nudie Video FAQ.
Here we go!
Q: I was at the lake all weekend and saw something about this on social media. Can you briefly explain what exactly happened again?
A: During last Thursday’s State Board of Education meeting, Ryan and the school board members went to his office for an "executive session,” where they could discuss and vote on non-public matters regarding specific students.
While Ryan was meeting with a parent over a transfer issue, two board members appointed by Ryan’s friend-turned-enemy – Governor Kevin Stitt – noticed that a TV in the back of Ryan’s office was displaying nude women on the screen.
Q: Holy shit! That is hysterical! Ryan Walters – the anti-porn-in-public-school crusader – was televising porn in his office?! Get out!!!
A: I know! You really can’t make this shit up! This is more absurd and hypocritical than finding kitty litter in his private bathroom, or an autographed copy of Gender Queer on his nightstand.
Q: Do we know what title was playing?
We still don’t. According to the board members, the scene was described as “retro” and showed nude, bare-breasted women with pubic hair maneuvering around on chiropractic tables. I asked Clark Matthews to use Google, ChatGPT and Mr. Skin to find out what movie the scene was from, but I haven’t heard back from him yet, so you’ll need to do your own research.
Q: Hey, a Clark Matthews reference! Do we know how the porn got on the TV?
Ryan’s new PR guy originally said it came from cable television – which now apparently airs retro pornography in the early afternoons instead of game shows and talk shows – and then told the Yawn Doc guy to come work for us:
Asked whether his reference to “a junk tabloid lie” means that he is claiming the video incident did not happen, Quinton Hitchcock responded: “Go get a job at The Lost Ogle and let us know when you are going to write a real story.”
Question: Is Quinton calling us a junk tabloid that lies, or is he simply saying that we’re the only outlet brave enough to publish a real story? I need an answer fast so I can figure out how to explain this photo we found of Quinton on the Internet:
First of all, nice knee pads. Second, is Quinton a wrestler… or does he star in retro movies with Ryan’s old porn star buddy?
Either way, we wish Quinton the best of luck in what has to feel like an awful, temporary gig. Who knows. Maybe he’ll work for us someday!
Q: So, how do you think the nudity got on the screen?
Three words – Barack Hussein Obama.
Q: Really?!
No, not really.
I’ve asked around the Ogle Mole Network, and they’re telling me that the TV monitor in Ryan’s office is frequently used for presentations, PowerPoints, circle jerks, etc.
Knowing that, my educated hunch is that someone with access to the TV inadvertently streamed or mirrored video that was playing in the background on a phone, laptop, or some other device. You know, someone like an administrative assistant, intern, or IT guy who secretly wishes he were a chiropractor.
Then again, who knows? That’s just one educated theory! Maybe it was part of a Prager U training seminar to help people identify porn in schools.
Q: Has Ryan apologized or anything?
Of course not! Ryan and his puppet masters follow the Roger Stone / Donald Trump method of politics, which is to deny everything and go on the attack.
On Sunday, as the lube dried and erections tempered, Ryan provided a very carefully worded statement that…
– Denied any wrongdoing.
– Falsely reframed the facts and media narrative.
– Blamed the “establishment” for banding together to attack him because they fear change—and possibly pubic hair.
Q: God, I really want to punch that guy in the face.
I feel you, middle finger lady, but let’s not allow our anger to distract us from what Ryan’s really doing.
If you read his statement carefully, you’ll notice Ryan didn’t deny that there were women, nipples, and big hairy bushes on the TV screen.
He simply said that “Any suggestion that a device of mine was used to stream inappropriate content on the television set is categorically false” and that he “had no knowledge of what was on the TV screen during the alleged incident.”
Basically, he’s not denying that nudity appeared on TV. He’s denying he had anything to do with it and doing his best impression of a guy who just wandered into the room mid-bush.
Q: You don’t actually believe that, do you?
Honestly, I’m not sure what to believe at the moment.
Back to my hunch from earlier, I do think the most likely scenario is that some stupid staffer accidentally aired porn that was playing on a different device.
Based on everything I’ve heard and observed about Ryan Walters over the past few years, he isn’t too involved in the day-to-day operations of the OSDE. Outside of filming vlogs from his tan SUV, making cable news appearances, and shopping around for Trump Bibles, he doesn’t do a lot, so I really doubt he’s rushing around making sure his device is connected to the TV in his office for the board meeting.
Then again, I think that’s what Ryan wants us to believe.
Based on all the other things I’ve heard and observed about Ryan Walters over the past few years, he’s a pathological liar with zero ethics who associates with evil grifters that will do or say anything to get ahead, so that fact is also concerning.
Q: What do the other politicians have to say about that?
Although they’re too spineless and cowardly to rattle the right-wing yahoo base and hold Ryan Walters accountable for any of his actions, conservative leadership in the House and Senate are aware that Ryan is the most hated and publicly reviled state official to come along this century, so they’re grandstanding on the news and promising investigations and all that fun stuff.
Republican House Speaker Kyle Hilbert of Bristow said Walters should "unlock and turn over all relevant devices" as part of an outside review into what happened. Board members Ryan Deatherage and Becky Carson told The Oklahoman they saw the images while the board met behind closed doors in Walters' office Thursday, July 24.
“The accounts made public by board members paint a strange, unsettling scene that demands clarity and transparency," said Senate President Pro Tempore Lonnie Paxton, a Republican from Tuttle.
Q: What happens next?
I guess OMES started an investigation and then promptly handed it over to the Oklahoma County Sheriff. County sheriffs are political positions, and I trust them and their competence about as much as I do Ryan Walters, so I assume it will be covered up and a slow scandal death.
Q: That’s discouraging. Do you think these investigations will be the end of Ryan Walters? Will he finally be impeached?
Unless they discover that Ryan Walters’ search history looks like Greg Zoobeck’s, I don’t see anything coming from it. If anything, it will only embolden Ryan and make him more powerful.
As I’ve mentioned in the past, most conservative Oklahoma politicians are right-wing Christian Nationalist yahoos who distrust the government, watch weird porn, and support Ryan Walters. The other ones are weak cowards who don’t like Ryan, hate what he’s doing to Oklahoma education, and prefer Hot Wife Chloe stuff, but they don’t have the courage to do anything about it.
Q: Well, that’s a bummer.
I know, and to make matters worse, the national “left-wing” outrage media has now latched onto the story and is aggregating it all over YouTube, TikTok, and other social platforms.
This expanded coverage is focused on getting as many likes, clicks, and social media ad video revenue sharing dollars as possible, and has naturally led to the misreporting of certain facts and an overgeneralization of what happened.
It’s also helped turn the story into a partisan issue, which will now make it easier for Ryan to poke holes in the reporting, chalk everything up to fake news, and blame the typical conservative boogeymen (woke teachers, establishment politicians, trans athletes, etc.) for creating a made-up scandal.
Q: That blows! This FAQ is stupid!!!
I know, but it’s the truth… and after covering Oklahoma politics for 17 years, the truth really does suck.
Then again, whether Ryan Walters is streaming porn on a TV – or simply emailing it to legislators – it can also be very entertaining.
Q: That’s true. Anything else before I log off and search for that movie title?
Stay with The Lost Ogle. We’ll keep you advised.
