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Baptists to Colonize Bricktown…

10:46 AM EST on February 14, 2024

I have bad news for all the servers in Bricktown who count on tips for a living!

Yesterday afternoon, Steve Lackmeyer jumped on the Bricktown beat to report that the Oklahoma Southern Baptists are moving their headquarters from that sterile, rundown, white building on NW 36th & May to the abandoned Sonic headquarters in Bricktown.

Yep, that’s right.

Bricktown has finally caught up with Uptown and Plaza got its own church. Hallelujah! 

Via The Oklahoman:

A Southern Baptist ministry is under contract to buy the former Sonic headquarters with plans to bring the offices of the Baptist General Convention of Oklahoma to Lower Bricktown…

“The move to a new building is a significant opportunity for Oklahoma Baptists,” Fisher said. “The decision did not come lightly, but rather came through a long period of prayer, due diligence, collaboration among our ministry affiliate leadership, and our joint affirmation to put us all in the best position possible to accomplish our common goal of advancing the gospel and serving Oklahoma Baptist churches.

Wait a second. After a long period of prayer, the Baptists bought a building in… Bricktown?

The Lord sure works in mysterious ways, huh? 

“Look! Someone threw an old brick through our church window last night! It’s a sign!”

In all honesty, this really isn’t a bad idea. 

As a guy who had a little podcast studio / hot box in an alley in Bricktown, I actually think the Baptists can bring a lot to the district and help clean up the area. 

For example, they can hand out free bibles and anti-abortion pamphlets to all the homeless folks and teenage gang members who loiter in the district on Friday nights, which will immediately get them to start hanging out in new places like Film Row!

There are other positives, too. 

For example, who doesn’t want to see Sunday morning Baptisms on the Bricktown Canal, or street preachers speeding down sidewalks on segways trying to convert all non-believers?

I’ve already heard that JJ’s Alley is looking into launching an acoustic, gospel-themed Wednesday night “Friends and Fellowship” open mic. What’s not to love?!

In addition to all that, I can’t wait to see the size of the huge rotating cross they’ll probably put on top of the building to match the giant U-Haul down the street. It will have to be pretty massive to not only catch the eye of motorists from I-40, but to be visible from the top of the country’s largest skyscraper that’s – wink, wink – going to be built only a few blocks away.

If you ask me, the only negative thing is what I alluded to in the lede – this sure is going to suck if you’re a server in the Bricktown area!

Baptists like to tip as much as Atheists like to tithe, so I’d encourage all Bricktown eateries to impose an 18% auto-gratuity on all people who work in the Baptist Building, otherwise they won’t be able to find employees. 

Anyway, I guess we’ll continue to monitor this story and see what all the other religions do as a response. 

For example, will the Nazarenes set up shop in Midtown while the Catholics focus on Film Row? Will LifeChurch.Bar be opening up soon in Paseo? How about a mosque in Deep Duece?

Stay with The Lost Ogle. We’ll keep you advised. 

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