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Year End

Top 69 TLO Articles of 2023 (Part 3)

10:11 AM EST on December 29, 2023

The TLO 69 – our chronological countdown of our best and most-clicked-upon content for 2023 presented by our sexy side pieces at Patricia's – concludes today with articles 23 – 1!

In total, these 69 articles generated about 800,000 unique pageviews, which is kind of cool when you think about it. I'd like to thank everyone who stopped by to read our words, especially our subscribers who pay us for the time, energy, and effort it takes to produce them.

In case you're bored and want to get caught up, you can view the full year by clicking the links below:

• TLO 69, Part 1: 69 - 47
• TLO 69, Part 2: 46 - 24

23. Bone-headed attorneys sue wrong contractor over Canton Apartment blaze…

Date: 8/7/2023

What We Wrote: let this be a lesson to any non-creative entrepreneurs out there to never name your business after Oklahoma’s red dirt. It’s cliche, it’s way too common, and – unless you’re wanting to remind people why their home needs expensive foundation repair – it’s a terrible name for any business.

Seriously, pick a name that will stick out from the crowd. Not one that blends in with all others and can get you sued for $60-million!

Read More: Update: Attorneys issue boring, passive-aggressive public apology after suing wrong contractor

22. Berry Tramel and Jenni Carlson are leaving The Oklahoman!!!

Date: 8/9/2023

What We Wrote: We’ve learned that famed Oklahoman sports columnists Berry Tramel and Jenni Carlson are apparently leaving The Oklahoman to join a new local sports media startup that, like most new local media startups, will probably go out of business in a few years. 

Outside of that, details of the endeavor – which I’m going to call Wimgo 2.0 – are kind of murky. We don’t know what type of content they’re going to produce, how they plan to make money, or even if they’re going to sell banned Young Jenni Carlson T-Shirt Coffee Mugs!

21. Rainbow Bistro attempts to guilt and shame “Community” into becoming customers…

Date: 8/16/2023

What We Wrote: what an interesting and innovative way to drum up business for a restaurant!

Most struggling places will run social media ads, publicize food and drink specials, or call out Gordon Ramsey to turn things around, but this marketing wizard is trying to guilt and shame people in the LGBTQ community into becoming customers instead. I’m sure that will work out well.

20. Aaron Tuttle is into pedo jokes and dog breeding now…

Date: 8/22/2023

What We Wrote: I’m in the camp that just about any topic is fair game when it comes to humor, and I guess that includes jokes about babies being knocked up. Sure, it’s not my Tommee Tippee cup of tea, but if you want to try to make a juxtapositional wordplay joke about a one-year-old child having sex, go for it. 

That being said, if it’s not executed properly, you better be prepared for some pushback, especially if the joke is about your intent to help contribute to overcrowded animal shelters and pet euthanization.

19. Oklahoma School Librarian Mocks Ryan Walters on TikTok, Sparks Right-Wing Backlash

Date: 8/23/2023

What We Wrote: although her name is being dragged through the mud and she and her school have become targets for right-wing outrage, we’d like to thank Kirby for standing up to Ryan Walters' deranged lunacy and having some fun with it. I totally encourage her to run for State School Superintendent in 3 years. Maybe it will score her some free school supplies.

18. Disgraced CEO and Looney Right-Wing Lobbyist Team Up For Lawton Refinery Deal…

Date: 8/25/2023

What We Wrote: What do you get when you combine a grifter governor, a disgraced former aerospace CEO, and a quack right-wing lobbyist who promotes white supremacy conspiracy theories?

Apparently a new addition to our Overly Ambitious Oklahoma Business Projects Trivia Quiz!

17. Ryan Walters stalked his wife…

Date: 8/28/2023

What We Wrote: Ryan Walters – the guy who warns us all about liberal groomers, indoctrinators, and other terrorists entering the teaching profession – stalks women, which if I’m not mistaken, now makes him qualified to coach football at any Oklahoma public school!

Seriously, what a creeper! I wonder what stalking tactics he used? Did he go the traditional route and drive by Katie's house late at night or show up unannounced to her work, or did he simply monitor what bathroom she used or call in bomb threats instead? We need details!

16. Oklahoma Pastor’s Blackface Comedy Was Too Racist Even for the Southern Baptists…

Date: 9/19/2023

What We Wrote: Just like he was back in April when the photos first made news, Pastor Jaques was unapologetic and defiant when confronted with the news that he and his church are somehow too racist to be affiliated with the Southern Baptist church.

Here’s what he said in an interview with The Tenneseean:

"Their decision is repugnant. They made a decision and recommendation on something they don’t know anything about."

Yep, that’s right. It’s the convention’s decision to boot the racist church from their ranks after 150 years that’s repugnant – not the dude who dresses up in blackface to perform raucous racist stereotype sketches for his church congregation, or the fact his congregation kept him onboard after the photos and sketches became news. They’re actually the victims here.

15. Oklahoma Judge goes on Austin Road Rage Rampage…

Date: 9/22/2023

What We Wrote: That’s some scary stuff, but – as we always like to mention any time a judge in Oklahoma is caught doing something moronic, stupid or illegal, which is quite often – at least he wasn’t using a penis pump in the courtroom!

14. Alex Bennett leaves Barstool Sports and takes popular podcast with her…

Date: 10/5/2023

What We Wrote: I’ve honestly never listened to her podcast, wouldn’t recognize Alex if I was buying her a Lunchbox at Edna’s, and think El Presidento is one of the worst things to pop out of the sphincter of the internet in the last 20 years, but I remember going to a Thunder game last season and my friend Chris being more focused on Alex sitting courtside with her husband than the actual game itself, so I figured I'd chase some bro clicks and write about her.

13. Southside Trailer Park Snake Still On The Run/Slide…

Date: 10/9/2023

What We Wrote: It's still not safe to venture outside at night at the Burntwood Trailer Park!

Okay, that’s probably never been a very safe thing to do, but you get what I’m saying.

Two weeks after becoming an international story, the location of El Snako – the giant 13-foot python that has been sliding around a southside trailer park for months, eating a healthy diet of possums, cats, and five-dollar foot-long rats on Italian herb and cheese – is currently unknown.

12. Elk City PD ignores TLO request for details about funny police foot pursuit video…

Date: 10/12/2023

What We Wrote: After watching the videos multiple times and laughing my ass off, a bunch of questions rolled through my head like “Who is this woman,” “Why’s the cop chasing her?” and, most importantly, “When did Elk City get a Taco Bell?!”

I knew the city had grown, but I didn't know it was that big!

As a result, I thought it would be fun to reach out to our friends in the Elk City Police Department to get more details on the slow-speed foot pursuit. Sadly, they haven’t been very fun to work with.

11. Out-of-State Predators Eyeing OKC’s Zoo Amphitheater…

Date: 10/12/2023

What We Wrote: Thanks to a tip via The Ogle Mole Network, we’ve learned the Oklahoma City Zoological Trust recently formed a committee to negotiate a management and operation agreement for the Zoo Amphitheatre with Save Live – the out-of-state venture capital-backed group that took over and dismantled Tower Theatre’s local operations earlier this year.

I guess this means 3HORSE Productions, LLC – the mysterious company that has managed the Zoo Amp since 2013 – will be out at the end of the year.

According to a meeting agenda, the Zoo Trust has given preference and priority to Save Live’s proposal over ones submitted by local groups, DCF Concerts and WPM Management…

10. Prosector Mad Judge Joked About His Small Penis…

Date: 10/13/2023

What We Wrote: I don’t blame the DA for being upset. We know most lawyers become prosecutors to overcompensate for having a small penis, so that low blow from the judge really had to hurt.

9. Just like Columbus, Ronnie Kaye is history…

Date: 10/16/2023

What We Wrote: Your familiarity with Ronnie Kaye probably depends on your age. 

Oklahomans over the age of 100 remember him as one of the original pioneers in the 1889 Land Run and the person who first brought talkies to Oklahoma cinema, while Boomers fondly recall him as a DJ on WKY and the host of a local American Bandstand ripoff called “The Scene.” 

Gen-Xers like me, on the other hand, remember Ronnie from his news days when he would do quick 30-second news updates on Channel 25 in between Transformers, G.I. Joe, and other after-school cartoons, while our millennial counterparts remember him as the voice they would hear on the radio while stuck in the backseat of their parent's car listening to oldies during rush hour. 

Gen Z kids and all those younger millennials, however, had no clue who he was, but now get to know him as the fossilized DJ who was fired for apparently saying something offensive about Columbus Day.

8. Stitt defies own travel ban to accept award in California…

Date: 10/28/2023

What We Wrote: Recently, Oklahoma Governor Kevin Stitt violated the spirit of his California travel ban when he flew out to The Golden State to accept an award for all the hard work he’s done violating a woman’s bodily autonomy and her rights to make her own deeply private and personal healthcare decisions.

7. Washed-Up Indie Rocker Makes Cringey Bombing Reference at OKC Concert…

Date: 10/27/2023

What We Wrote: If some has-been musician wants to take the bombing's name in vain while on tour, all power to him, just don’t be surprised if something bad happens to the Ryder truck hauling their equipment when they stop at the Love's in Ardmore to get gas.

6. Tulsa’s KTUL Channel 8 moving to Oklahoma City!

Date: 11/10/2023

What We Wrote: Yesterday, KTUL Channel 8 – the Sinclair-owned ABC affiliate in Tulsa – conducted mass layoffs and announced they’re going to produce their “hyper-local” Tulsa news broadcast at the KOKH Fox 25 studios in Oklahoma City. 

Yep, that’s right. Nothing says “hyperlocal” news like producing it in another market located 100 miles away. 

“For more details about the Utica Square fire, let’s go live to Burt Mummolo who is live at Casady Square. Burt – tell us what you’re seeing.”

5. Report: Markwayne Mullin desperately wants the world to think he’s a tough guy…

Date: 11/14/2023

What We Wrote: Early today, Marcuswayne proved he’s the pure embodiment of the truck-drivin’, blue jean-wearin’, low IQ-havin’ Oklahoma good old boys who elected him, when he literally stood up and challenged Teamster President Sean O’Brien to a fight during a hearing in the Senate Octagon earlier today.

4. Metro cheers closure of Sunset Patio Bar

Date: 11/28/2023

What We Wrote: Over the weekend, the entire metro let out a collective cheer when Sunset Patio Bar – the east-facing riff-raff hangout in Midtown – announced it was closing its doors.

Sunset had been open for less than three years, but thanks to its comically dumb name – and glowing reputation as the Precinct 13 of the local bar scene – its final sunrise got a heavy dose of media attention.

3. Sassy Psychic Medium Photographer Has “In Your Corner” Meltdown…

Date: 12/5/2023

What We Wrote: Thanks to a recent report that would make the Ghost of Brad Edwards proud, we learned that a Yukon Mom paid Brandon $150 to shoot some generic and cliche family photos.

Brandon – a man who claims to be able to communicate with dead people – never delivered the photos, so the Yukon Mom started sending some naggy emails asking for a response.

Instead of acquiescing and getting the mom her photos, Brandon replied with a “catty and sassy” email stating she’d get the stuff on his time and to consider herself “blessed and blocked.”

2. State cancels Discover Oklahoma…

Date: 12/12/2023

What We Wrote: Thanks to a tip via the Ogle Mole Network, we’ve learned the Oklahoma Tourism Department has canceled the production of new episodes of the long-running tourism-focused TV show Discover Oklahoma. 

The series first aired in 1991 as a way to boost tourism across the state, and since then has profiled thousands of Oklahoma shops, restaurants, festivals, oddities, parks, towns, artisans, musicians, chefs, weirdos, rodeo clowns, and other attractions each Saturday evening at 6:30pm…

Although the TV show’s days of informing old people about which handmade leather boot workshop or fried pie stand to visit while going on a leaf-peeping tour in Green Country will soon end, the Discover Oklahoma brand will still have some sort of online presence.

1. Developers tease new downtown OKC skyscraper to rule them all…

Date: 12/18/2023

What We Wrote: Earlier today, Steve Lackmeyer puffed out a report with The Oklahoman claiming that the people behind the Bricktown Boardwalk development have amended their original plans to now include a 134-story residential tower that would become the second-largest building in the United States.

Sounds totally believable, right?

The proposed skyscraper would be double the height of the Devon Tower and make our skyline even more absurdly out of proportion and impossible to frame in a 4:3 ratio photograph.

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