Ryan Walters NudieGate Scandal Being Milked for All It’s Worth!

As a guy who loves to cover, lampoon, and criticize politicians and media, I have to say it’s been an absolute blast to watch the Ryan Walters NudieGate scandal unfold over the last week.

Now, have I enjoyed watching NudieGate unfold as much as Ryan Walters enjoys watching Porky’s on Cinemax while everyone else in the house is asleep? Probably not, but it’s been fun nonetheless!

Like most stories involving reviled, hypocritical politicians who stream retro nude scenes on their office TVs, the local media has been on top of this one like butter on a roll—chasing down every scoop, lead, and low-hanging exclusive faster than Ryan Walters changing the channel when his wife walks into the living room.

This media circus has resulted in a wide variety of content gems, like this News 9 interview where Karl “Stiff Suit” Torp seemed a bit too interested in the nude scene that aired on Ryan’s TV:

For what it’s worth, we’ve been in contact with the team at Mr. Skin to help us identify the movie in question. In the meantime, if you have any old VHS movies that contain explicit scenes featuring bare breasts, pubic hair, and men waltzing around in Gilligan hats, please send them to Karl Torp at News 9 so he can view them for research purposes.

While News 9 was interviewing board members, KOKH’s Wendy Suares scored an “exclusive” interview with Ryan to address the controversy—and, more importantly for Ryan, to give him a platform to lie to the public.

The interview seemed to be going well for Ryan until Wendy asked to see the office TV that streamed the nudity. At that point—probably after hearing the word private—Ryan’s team quickly checked their flies and wrapped things up.

Oddly enough, the local media aren’t the only ones making a deservedly huge deal out of the controversy.

Sensing an opportunity to dominate the media cycle, increase his name recognition, and pander to his fringe right-wing base, Ryan has gone out of his way to help amplify the story and keep it in the headlines.

After the Suares interview, he held a press event at the State Capitol where he played the victim card, lied about being cleared of wrongdoing, and accused Governor Stitt, teacher unions, the media, Democrats, and—apparently—Russ Meyer of all conspiring to attack him because they hate all the, uhm, good work he’s doing for Oklahoma public schools.

If you want a recap of Ryan’s press conference, the lies he told, and the absurdity of the accusations he lobbed toward Stitt and teachers unions, Fox 23 News out of Tulsa has you covered with their splendidly titled “XXXecutive Session” investigation:

I don’t know who that reporter is, but well done! That’s probably the most comprehensive analysis of Ryan Walters NudieGate that I’ve seen. If that guy can identify what movie was playing in Ryan’s office last week, he may win a Pulitzer!

In addition to the local media and Ryan, there’s one other group having a field day with this story – law enforcement.

Even though Ryan blatantly told the media, public, and Christian God he claims to worship that he was cleared of any wrongdoing, that’s not true.

For example, Ryan said he’s been cleared by OMES and the Oklahoma County Sheriff. But with them being just as curious as we are about what exactly Ryan was watching, that’s obviously not the case:

Unfortunately for Ryan, he has more to worry about than the Oklahoma County Sheriff. Because there’s nothing more dangerous to Oklahomans than inadvertently seeing bush and boobs on a television, the Oklahoma County DA’s office has requested OSBI look into the incident, because—you know—nothing is more important to public safety.

Just like about, oh, 500,000 other Oklahomans, I’d love nothing more than to see Ryan Walters go down in flames with this scandal and be booted out of the Oklahoma politisphere. I seriously doubt that’s going to happen, but a man can dream.

That being said...

Do we really need OSBI and the Sheriff's Department to waste time on this?

Whether Ryan knew about it or not, there were nipples, bushes, and Gilligan hats on his TV screen. Yes, it’s hypocritical that it came from the “no porn in school” guy, and—yes—it’s a fireable offense at most companies, but doesn't law enforcement already get a big enough hard-on arresting people for victimless crimes? Do we need them chasing this down? Shouldn't we keep them out of this and just stick with public shaming?

"Patrick! An investigation may provide crystal-clear evidence that could help solidify an impeachment!"

Okay, maybe you're right.

Anyway, as long as the media, Ryan, the law enforcement complex, politicians, and trashy tabloid sites like ours keep milking this scandal, we’ll keep watching it unfold like a nude scene on an office television.

Stay with The Lost Ogle. We’ll keep you advised