Uh oh.
It looks like State Representative Justin Humphrey – the resident yahoo conservative at the Oklahoma Capitol who is also running for Lt. Govenror – is apparently staying up late at night surfing weird message boards again.
We know this because Humphrey – a lawmaker who once literally tried to ban microscopic nanorobotic treacking devices from being placed into vaccines – has now filed a bill that would require the state to create a separate COVID-vaccine-free blood bank for all the paranoid right-wing crazies out there who have lost touch with reality.
Here are the details via Oklahoma Voice:
A House lawmaker wants the state to run its own blood bank so it can provide Oklahomans blood “untainted” by the COVID-19 vaccine.
But medical professionals said it’s not reasonable to require blood banks to accurately screen donors for vaccination status. Scientifically, there’s no way to tell the difference between the antibodies of people who have been sick with COVID and those who have been vaccinated against it, one doctor said.
Normally, I’m opposed to legislation that appeases the phobias and insecurities of right-wing religious freaks who live deep in the heart of Derplahoma, far away from the liberal big city lizard people who want to control society, but in this case, I’m all for it!
Seriously, this guy wants to write a law that will prevent my vaccinated blood from ever being transfused into his mouth-breathing body! Drop some fluoride in the water and bring it on, buddy! Where do I sign?!
Sure, I know blood is blood and it doesn’t carry ideologies or cooties, but if the science of something doesn’t matter to these quacks anymore, it doesn’t matter to me either!
Here’s Humphrey’s delusional reasoning behind the bill:
Rep. Justin Humphrey, R-Lane, said he authored House Bill 3196 to “start conversations” about how to best provide people with unvaccinated blood products, especially in emergencies.
He said he’s suspicious of the safety and efficacy of the vaccine, and believes some of his family were adversely affected by it.
“At the end of the day, I don’t want it,” Humphrey said. “I don’t want it in me. I don’t want a transfusion. I don’t want it.”
Well, I don’t know about you, but that convinces me!
After all, nothing carries more scientific weight than the anecdotal evidence of a rural numbskull who believes in the supernatural, and spent his legislative career trying to legalize cockfighting and open a Bigfoot hunting season. He’s a far more serious and reliable source on vaccines than, oh, the global medical community.
Plus, it's way past time we reinsert blood transfusions into today’s culture wars. Sure, they had their moments with the AIDS epidemic, but the ability to pick where your donor stands both demographically and politically is a game changer, and could launch a whole new controversial industry!
Seriously, why stop with isolating unvaccinated blood!? We need bills that separate blood bank supplies by race, political affiliation, and most importantly for today’s culture war fighters, gender. Admit it. You know conservatives where Justin is from would love that opportunity to choose only the purest, whitest, most conservative blood for their body.
Hell, maybe we can implement these screenings in other medical fields, like organ donations, transplants, and maybe even in vitro fertilizations! That will keep things extra pure!
“Patrick, don’t give them any ideas! That slippery slope stuff is dangerous.”
Yeah, you’re probably right. My bad. That being said, it still would be funny to see how this plays out for blood drive partnerships with the local media.
“Tell them where you’re at, Al.”
“Well, Jim, I’m here at H & 8th Gun Range for the first-ever Freedom Fuel Blood Drive. We’re here until six and looking for white, Christian, non-vaccinated, conservative, gun-owning men for blood donations. Donate today and you’ll get a free shirt and 12 bullets. Jim, where are you?”
Unfortunately, we’ll probably have a bit before that radio gold happens.
Just like a fledgling conspiracy theory that fails to catch wind – I’m looking at you, Agenda 21 – Humphrey’s quacky bills rarely gain or carry any traction at the Capitol, so it will probably die in committee, and vaccinated blood – perhaps even of the robotic variety – will continue to pollute and poison paranoid, delusional conservatives everywhere.
Stay with The Lost Ogle. We’ll keep you advised.
