I hope everyone is enjoying Ryan Walters Resignation Week! Friendly reminder: you can score a full year of ad-free TLO – and support OKC Public Schools – for only $49.99!
As you may have heard, today is Ryan’s official last day in office before he comes back to Oklahoma and wins another statewide election. Naturally, he decided to celebrate the end of his tyrannical reign in the most MAGA way possible – attacking his enemies and boasting about his list of accomplishments.
I’ve written way too much about this loser over the past four years of my life, and I’m so happy to see him go.
It’s also time to start speculating on his replacement.
According to the Ogle Mole Network, Kevin Stitt wants someone who is safe, won't seek re-election, and – probably – will help him in his endless fight against Native tribes.
Keeping that in mind, I’ve heard a lot of different names, and here’s a list of my ideal candidates. A couple have serious shots, a couple have no shots, and a couple should have shots, but won’t.
Joy Hofmeister
I have no clue if this would be constitutionally allowed because of term limits. She’s already served two terms, but does that rule apply if you’re just finishing out someone else’s mess? Beats me. Republicans don’t seem too worried about rules or constitutions these days, so I’m sure they’d find a way to make it work if they wanted.
Although I doubt this would happen, I’d support it. Joy already knows the job, has a track record of at least pretending to care about public education, and – bonus points – she’s shown she can switch parties. Maybe Stitt could sweet-talk her into coming back, whipping OSDE back into shape, filling grant writer positions, and then quietly stepping aside for the next elected superintendent who, if Oklahoma voters have their say, will promptly set it all on fire again.
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Shane Jett
I think this is the guy the Walters supporters want for the job.
He’s the chair of the Oklahoma Freedom Caucus, and – like Ryan – is a bit of a right-wing, Trump-supporting crackpot. He looks and talks like a white trash ventriloquist’s dummy.
We’ve been documenting Shane since way, way, way back in the aughts, when he was a state rep running around town hawking plans to build a 500-foot-tall “steel-ensconced” oil derrick over the Oklahoma River – an idea that doesn’t sound so preposterous with Legends Tower being a thing.
After going into political obscurity, Jett reemerged after the pandemic as a sad sack of radicalized shit who plays the culture war card at any and every opportunity. He would be an awful state school superintendent, but he would continue Ryan’s tradition of giving the local media something to talk about.
On the topic of local media…
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Wendy Suares
Out of all the local TV talking heads, it’s hard to top KOKH reporter and anchor Wendy Suares.
Even though she’s involved with famed Democratic turncoat Jason Dunnington, she has all the traits agents, program directors, and viewers look for in an anchor – looks, intelligence, and a flair for the dramatic.
For example, check out this mastery of the finger point.
Seriously, wasn’t that awesome? That needs to become her signature parting line, like “Friday Night in the Big Town” or Veronica Corningstone’s “You stay classy, Oklahoma.”
Not only is Wendy a great reporter, she’s also a great promoter. She’s made sure everyone knows that she’s been one of the leading reporters on the Ryan Walters beat over the past few years:
As a guy who’s written 340 articles about Ryan Walters since 2021 – from the first one about him being innocently ratioed for a stupid tweet to the last one about him resigning to lead a non-teachers-union teachers union – Wendy’s reporting has been a great resource. Stitt should reward her with the state school superintendent title.
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Dr. Jamie C. Polk
Dr. Polk is the superintendent for OKC Public Schools. I think she would be a good fit for a variety of reasons.
1. She’s a smart, qualified public education professional who has the experience, integrity, and leadership skills required to lead a large public school district.
2. Hiring her would bring liberals and conservatives together and wouldn’t cause any sort of problematic controversy or complaining.
3. I get to promote the Ryan Walters Resignation Sale. Unbeknownst to Dr. Polk, we’ve decided to give half of all proceeds from our $49.99 sale to Oklahoma City Public Schools. It turns out that anyone can donate to a school district and that you have to do a little research, so we figured why not them! If you think that too, subscribe today and go ad-free for $49.99.
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Sean Cummings
Following four years of Ryan Walters, I think we could all use a drunk Irish uncle to run the State Board of Education meetings. There will be a lot of swearing, a lot of middle finger pointing, and maybe even a geriatric fistfight or two before we all cry in the end.
In all seriousness, although he doesn’t drink, Sean’s an awesome dude and would make a great superintendent. In fact, I bet his first act would be to replace all school cafeterias with authentic Irish fare. What kid wouldn’t love that?!
“Mom, what’s for school lunch today?”
“It looks like your choices are bangers and mash, corned beef and cabbage, and old-fashioned haggis.”
“Can I have Lucky Charms instead?”
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Adam Pugh
Adam Pugh comes from the khakis-wearing sweater vest crowd of the moderate suburban Edmond demographic. Although he looks about as fun as Braum’s Bag of Burgers, some of our Moles say he’s a good dude and could do a decent job. Basically, he’s not going to set the world on fire with bold ideas or visionary leadership, but at least he won’t be out there like Ryan throwing kerosene everywhere, which is all we could realistically hope for.
The catch, according to Moles, is that Pugh wants to run for the job, and – as we mentioned – Stitt doesn’t want to give anyone a head start on the position. So, just like being in the Braum’s drive-thru, I guess we’ll have to wait around and see.
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Summer Boismier
Although she’s probably enjoying life in New York, lecturing at local arcades and parlors to the intellectual and East Coast elites, explaining to their bewildered ears what it was like to teach and grow up in a primitive place like Oklahoma, it’s probably time for Summer to come back. Through the use of new technology, ideas, and experience she acquired on her journey, she could save Oklahoma education by putting QR codes to libraries in every classroom.
