(Editor's Note: This article is part of a series highlighting five reasons to vote for each of the major Republican candidates for governor. Please note the word “reasons” is being used very loosely here.)
We’ve been covering Charles McCall on TLO ever since he first came on the scene as Oklahoma Speaker of the House, sharing hard-earned observations he apparently learned while creepily following single moms around grocery stores.
Since then, we’ve probably written McCall’s name on this site hundreds of times. My favorite mention came during the ye olde budget crisis of 2018, when he held an impromptu press conference and got heckled by a Democrat:
Ah, memories.
As someone who’s been covering McCall for a while, I have to admit I’m a little disappointed his campaign hasn’t caught fire. It just never seemed to take off after he came out banana trans guns blazing.
Yep, cutting a banana in half doesn’t make it an orange, just like spending $5 million of your own money doesn’t make you governor!
That’s a shame, because on paper, McCall should have had a real shot. He’s a former House speaker, a small-town banker, and one of the most powerful Republican politicians in Oklahoma over the past decade.
Unfortunately for him, this is a GOP primary, so experience, power and knowing how government works are no match for Trump endorsements, fighter jets and whatever Chip Keating is wearing in his commercials.
Anyway, as part of our series on reasons to vote for the big-spending candidates, here are five reasons to vote for Charles McCall.
1. You’re Bakari the gorilla at the OKC Zoo.
Bakari is a member of the OKC Zoo’s bachelor troop of Western lowland gorillas, and let me tell you, whether you call it an apple, orange or transphobe, the guy loves bananas.
In fact, according to an informal poll I conducted during my last trip to the zoo, the apes preferred McCall’s banana slicer ad over all other gubernatorial ads combined.
Granted, the sample size was small, and one respondent threw poop at me, but the numbers don’t lie.
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2. You want to see if he’ll slice a cucumber in the runoff ads.
We actually examined other fruits McCall should cut in a TLO post. I think my favorite was jack fruit. You can read it here:
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3. The old Braum's banana split ad makes you horny.
Slow banana shots. Whipped cream. Chocolate drizzle. If you liked that, McCall is your man!
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4. “There’s always money in the banana stand” is one of your favorite TV catchphrases.
If there’s one thing Charles McCall’s campaign has proven, it’s that there’s always money in the banana stand.
Unfortunately for him, most of it appears to be his own.
Yep, he’s spent over $5.6 million and he’s still only polling 4th. Talk about burning money, huh?
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5. You’re simply bananas…
In case you can’t tell, it’s kind of hard for me to treat McCall too seriously as a candidate.
He lacks charisma, has a bad résumé and somehow managed to make a banana the most memorable part of his campaign.
Sure, he was Speaker of the House for a decade, but that’s not exactly a ringing endorsement. Oklahoma had teacher walkouts, budget disasters and all the usual Capitol dysfunction during his watch, and McCall’s big pitch now is basically, “Trust me, I was in the room when all that happened.”
If that still sounds like leadership to you, congrats. You’re simply bananas, which, based on his campaign ads, makes you exactly the voter he’s been trying to reach.
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Check out our other gubernatorial voting guides for:
