(Editor's Note: This article is part of a series highlighting five reasons to vote for each of the major Republican candidates for governor. Please note the word “reasons” is being used very loosely here.)
On Tuesday, Oklahoma Republicans will go to the polls to determine which of the four wealthy uber-Trump-supporting candidates with large TV ad budgets they want to be the next governor.
According to recent polling, the leader at the moment is Mike Mazzei.
A former state lawmaker, Stitt crony and businessman, he shows that as long as you’re rich, Republican and willing to spend money on Roger Stone and TV ads, being the Governor of Oklahoma is very attainable.
Here are five reasons to vote for him:
1. He’s endorsed by the president of the United States…
Sure, the path to get there involved Roger Stone, $67,500 and a very convenient change of heart on an aluminum smelter, but now that he has Trump’s endorsement, he’s the favorite, which, in Oklahoma politics, means he has nowhere to go but down.
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2. You're working behind the scenes to help your husband get out of a fraud conviction...
Sure, most voters are worried about things like schools, roads and grocery prices, but some people have more urgent concerns, like whether their husband can get moved to a prison with softer pillows and better brisket.
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3. You want to see more politicians mock reporters.
In a recent debate, Mazzei mocked Yawn Doc’s William H.P. Nathaniel Archibald Merriwether “Trey” Savage V after the news publisher mumbled through a question.
It was very Trumpian, and probably the only genuinely funny thing to happen in this year’s governor’s race, which is sad, but also true.
That was awesome. Mike Mazzei and I don’t agree on many things, but we will never turn down an opportunity to make fun of Mr. NonDoc.
-NonDoc
4. You believe the governor’s race should go to the highest bidder.
Remember the good old days when old rich guys bought a Porsche to mark their midlife crisis? Now they’re just trying to buy political office. To date, Mike Mazzei has loaned his campaign over $10,000,000 – almost as much as the other three guys combined.
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5. You believe in chemtrails…
I don’t know if Mike actually believes in chemtrails, at least while sober, but he does treat the discussion of a kooky conspiracy theory with real respect and dignity. So if you’re into that, or really any conspiracy theory that makes your kids stop answering your texts, Mazzei is probably the guy for you.
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Check out our other gubernatorial voting guides for:
