(Editor's Note: This article is part of a series highlighting five reasons to vote for each of the major Republican candidates for governor. Please note the word “reasons” is being used very loosely here.)
On Tuesday, Oklahoma Republicans will go to the polls to determine which of the four wealthy uber-Trump-supporting candidates with large TV ad budgets they want to be the next governor.
One of those people is Chip Keating.
The son of former Governor Frank Keating and a charter member of the inaugural Stitt ass-kisser cabinet, Chip is a former state trooper turned businessman, which, based on his campaign videos, apparently means he walks around in a vest-jacket thing, shakes hands, stares seriously at Oklahoma scenery and makes decisions and such:
I’ve met Chip before. Our daughters are friends and softball teammates, and he seems like a nice dude, so I do feel a little bad making fun of him.
Anyway, here are five reasons to vote for him:
1. You want a governor with actual experience living in the Governor’s Mansion.
That’s a qualification none of the other candidates have!
Sure, he was a teenager at the time and probably spent more time playing video games than studying executive leadership, but experience is experience. In a race where everyone is pretending to be an outsider, it’s refreshing to have one guy who literally lived on the inside.
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2. You don’t want to be labeled a “dumb voter.”
Back in the early 2000s, Chip’s dad – famed outsider Frank Keating – once called Tulsa Republican voters dumb for not supporting his wife’s congressional bid.
Gov. Frank Keating said Thursday he regretted saying Tulsa's Republican voters who didn't support his wife's congressional bid were dumb…
Keating was quoted in published reports as saying "we had an opportunity to send a highly gifted woman, a conservative, who would have been an instant star . . . but we didn't do it.... I'm just saying my hometown to do this was very dumb."
If Frank thinks voters are dumb, I wonder what he’s going to say about state wide voters that don’t support his son!
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3. You care about what former football coaches think.
Chip has picked up support from Oklahoma football royalty, including OAN fan Mike Gundy, tequila mogul Bob Stoops, and scandal-friendly former OU coach Barry Switzer.
If the political opinions of football coaches for some reason matters to you – and for a good chunk of Oklahomans it does – something tells me you're not a regular voter in the first place. Either way, good for Chip for picking up the endorsements of these coaching legends who probably have CTE.
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4. You want a job at the Trump Energy Center of Awesomeness.
During the early part of the primary, all the various candidates went out of their way to kiss Trump’s ass in hopes of landing his endorsement.
Chip’s grand vision was to build something called the Trump National Laboratory for Energy and National Security in Oklahoma, which sounds like the type of fake federal building they’d name-drop in a bad Kevin Sorbo movie.
Although Trump loves having his name on buildings, the endorsement ultimately went to Mike Mazzei. But hey, if you’re an unemployed former Devon or Expand Energy employee looking for work, maybe Chip’s imaginary Trump lab will be hiring soon.
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5. You’re a fan of the Queen Bees.
Chip, at least for a moment, was the bench coach of my daughter’s softball team, the Queen Bees.
If he can successfully manage a dugout full of 7- and 8-year-old girls, keep track of the batting order, find missing gloves, and make sure nobody is picking flowers in right field during a live play, you can probably run the State of Oklahoma.
Sure, the lawmakers the Governor deals with may be a little more childish, but practice is practice.
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