Things must be getting tight for the Hefner family!
With her aspirations of becoming a mayor and the amphitheater ticket chapman of the ruling class both derailed by Mayor McSelfie – and the Gallamero Sauce craze really catching on around America – Crazy Carol Hefner has sadly resorted to selling her homely possessions to afford her country club dues.
Well, at least that’s what it looks like.
Thanks to a tip via the Ogle Mole Network, we’ve learned that Carol is trying to sell a $1,500 rug on Facebook.
Handcrafted from liberal tears, missing presidential election ballots, and stolen Continental Resources petroleum maps, it can beautifully bring color and joy to any right-wing Rose Creek resident's living room, parlor, or she-shed.
Check this out:
First of all, can one of Carol’s hot daughters – or even her son Spaulding – tell their mom about the Facebook Marketplace? I don’t know how many people who browse that online bizarre are looking for $1,500 rugs, but it will reach more Nichols Hills folks than a regular Facebook post!
Since she didn’t post it to the Marketplace, I’ll have to ask the questions most of the prospective buyers would shoot her way.
1. Why is ⅓ of the rug tinted in a shade of black? Is that a shadow, or does it symbolize the world’s dwindling supply of conventional oil?
2. What’s up with this stain? Is that where Roger Stone peed on the rug following their after-dinner party? If so, she should let everyone know, because it could increase the rug’s value.
3. Will she take $200 for it? If so, I’ll buy it, and then promptly donate it to someone she harassed during the ad-hoc homeless investigative origins audit she conducted before the last mayoral election.
Anyway, I guess if you want a rug, shoot Carol a DM with your best offer. Just be aware she may start lecturing you about various products that contain petroleum.
Also, if times get really hard for Carol, maybe it's time she starts bottling and selling her own imitation Olive Garden salad dressing. I'm sure it will sell like hotcakes at the next Mom's For Liberty farmers market.
Stay with The Lost Ogle. We’ll keep you advised.
