Over the past couple of years, State Representative Justin Humphrey – the Derplahoman lawmaker who has introduced legislation to legalize a Bigfoot hunting season, torture elephants, and prohibit microchips from being planted in human vaccines – has been swinging his dick around the capitol in an attempt to reduce the penalty for participating in cockfighting in Oklahoma from a felony to misdemeanor.
He’s not the only one.
During this year’s legislative session, a powerful cockfighting lobby has emerged at the Capitol and started throwing cash around like they're tje cock of the walk, imploring lawmakers to change the state’s cockfighting laws in the name of “criminal justice” reform.
A pro-cockfighting organization has donated more than $70,000 to Oklahoma lawmakers in a push to decrease penalties for participating in the illegal sport, although the group does not report the source of its funds.
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The Oklahoma Gamefowl Commission, a political action committee, has donated to dozens of state lawmakers, including $2,000 to Gov. Kevin Stitt.
Well, it looks like the Oklahoma Gamefowl Commission's plan to free the cock may be working!
Yesterday afternoon, the Oklahoma House defeated House Bill 2530 – The Oklahoma Cockfighting Freedom Act – by only one vote. If passed and signed into law by Ole’ Stitter, the law would reduce the cockfighting punishment from a felony to a misdemeanor.
Humphrey – a guy who’s criticized other criminal justice reform measures that reduce criminal sentences and penalties – has already filed a motion to reconsider the vote.
Considering the House Speaker voted in favor of the measure, you have to think that motion will be granted, giving the Oklahoma Gamefowl Commission plenty of time to gather enough cash to sway a vote or two.
And you know, what – Great!
Although I’ve never A) been to a cockfight and B) think it’s a cruel and barbaric activity, I’m also against victimless crimes, and outside of the bloodthirsty roosters who want nothing more than to fight other roosters to the death, I don’t think there are any victims when a bunch of country bumpkins get together under the lights for a cockfight.
In fact, I think Humphreys and the Oklahoma Cockfighting Coalition or Gamefowl Lobby or GOP Base or whatever they’re called should take things further and fight for the full legalization of cockfighting!
Yes, that’s right Oklahoma!
Just like with marijuana, it's time we legalize medical cockfighting and tax and regulate the blood sport just like any other industry in the state. Two things I’m totally sure Humphreys and the Oklahoma Cock Pecker Association would totally endorse and support.
Although I’m sure my idea may receive some pushback from liberals who care about animals, it makes sense.
First of all, is cockfighting any more cruel or inhumane than horseracing or the rodeo? If we allow country folks to abuse our state’s equine before shipping them to the slaughterhouse, why can’t we let roosters fight to the death as long as the loser is turned into beer-can chicken?
Second, by legalizing cockfighting, it would finally bring together two opposite groups that love the sport – Chinese marijuana growers and Oklahoma farmers. Who knows, maybe the interaction could lead to the two coming to a mutually beneficial agreement on how the share and split all black market marijuana revenue! That would solve a bunch of problems and headaches.
But those aren’t the only reasons we should legalize it.
Right or wrong, cockfighting is a part of Oklahoma culture, and a human-led tradition that dates back thousands and thousands of years. Just like with trailer parks, meth houses, and poverty, it’s part of our state’s rural way, and something that should be celebrated and promoted, not criminalized and banished.
And, finally, we could organize some cockfight championships at the OKC Cock Ring! It’s about time we put that facility to use!
Anyway, I could be wrong on this, but it wouldn’t be the first time. I wish Humphrey and Gamefowl folks the best of luck in restoring this time-honored Oklahoma tradition to all its classless glory.
Stay with The Lost Ogle. We’ll keep you advised.
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