He may have sailed the ocean blue in 1492, but let’s not forget all the other stuff Christopher Columbus did. You know, like enslaving people, violently slaughtering those who opposed him with armed troops and attack dogs, and forcing women and young girls into sexual slavery.
And he was so bad as governor of the place he supposedly discovered, King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella stripped him of his title, and he went back to Spain in shackles. Not really someone history should remember kindly, if you ask me.
But I’m sure there are some folks who think Columbus was an admirable guy. In fact, here’s a list of 7 Oklahomans who probably celebrate Columbus Day. Some of them even claim to be Native!
T.W. Shannon
Republican candidate for Lieutenant Governor and member of the Chickasaw Nation, T.W. Shannon says his heritage is 100% American. I mean, that’s more of an ideological heritage than a genealogical one. But that’s not even the stupidest thing T.W. Shannon has said. He believes America is not the home of systemic racism; it’s the home of systemic opportunity.
That’s right, gang. Slavery, Jim Crow, the Indian Removal Act—all of those were examples of systemic opportunity. I’m sure in the Shannon household, they hang their stockings above the fireplace on the Sunday before Columbus Day, so Columbus can come down the chimney and give them more systemic opportunities.
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Ronnie Kaye
Look. When you lose your job because you said you don’t know what indigenous means and you don’t care, you aren’t going to celebrate Indigenous Peoples’ Day. Plain and simple. I imagine Ronnie Kaye’s at home right now, building models of the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria.
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Markwayne Mullin
When Markwayne isn’t shitting his pants in the Capitol, fighting in the octagon or taking out massive PPP loans his plumbing company will never pay back, the Cherokee Nation member is saying some pretty stupid stuff about Native history.
In 2018, Markwayne used the phrase “volunteer walk” when discussing his ancestors’ relocation to Oklahoma and the Trail of Tears on Fox News. Naturally, people were quick to point out that inhumane treatment and being forced to leave your home by the government are hardly voluntary.
The funny thing is that Markwayne’s own congressional website stated he was raising his five kids on the land where his family ended their Trail of Tears. That line was quickly removed to align with his Newspeak rebrand of forced displacement and ethnic cleansing.
Any stooge who reduces his own ancestors to cartoon mascots and calls objections “political correctness” probably has Columbus Day circled on his calendar.
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Kevin
For personal reasons, I only refer to the current governor by his first name. That personal reason is that I bet it would piss him off to be called simply Kevin to his face by someone who is brown and unimportant. Anyway, Cherokee Nation member, Kevin, vetoed HB1137, a bill that would’ve given state funding to OSBI’s existing office investigating missing and murdered indigenous people.
His reasoning? Kevin couldn’t endorse legislation that singles out victims based on race. It’s very likely that Kevin doesn’t realize that murder rates for indigenous women are 10 times higher than the national average on certain reservations and the majority of stalking and sexual violence against Native women is from non-Native individuals. It’s helpful to tell yourself that Kevin isn’t malicious, he’s just ignorant... even if both are actually true.
Kevin also likes to dress up in a fancy Ph.D. costume for graduation ceremonies—even though he has no advanced degree—but he thinks Native students shouldn't be allowed to wear their traditional regalia. And when the McGirt ruling stated the Muscogee (Creek) Nation was still Indian Territory under federal law, he said Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. would be disgusted.
For all of these reasons and more, Kevin is definitely celebrating Columbus Day.
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Mary Fallin
The former governor likes to celebrate Columbus Day so much she vetoed a 2018 bill moving Native American Day to the same date. Apparently, Native culture is a beautiful thing on her daughter’s head, but not on Mary's precious Columbus Day.
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Meg Salyer
Former Ward 6 councilwoman Meg Salyer is an Oklahoma Women’s Hall of Fame inductee. She’s served on tons of different boards and was the first woman president of OKC’s Rotary Club. Oklahoma City’s downtown darling could do no wrong and had her fingers in every important pie.
But when the city council deadlocked over recognizing Indigenous Peoples’ Day in 2015, even an appeal from OCU’s Native American Society in her own ward couldn’t persuade her—she supplied the deciding no vote.
It's been 11 years, but we remember... and suspect Meg’s soft spot for Columbus had something to do with all the waterfront property he opened up for development.
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Jimmy of Jimmy’s Round-Up Café
You know this guy has some weird social media video planned, and will likely have Indian tacos as the special today.
I wouldn’t be surprised if he dressed as Columbus himself and gave the first 100 customers in the door smallpox.
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If we missed any local Columbus enthusiasts, nominate them in the comments—we’ll take credit for discovering them.
