7 other people Stitt thinks would be “disgusted” by McGirt ruling…
9:08 AM EDT on July 8, 2022
Last week, the non-sensical activist judges on the US Supreme Court voted to "narrow the sweep" of the Court's 2020 McGirt ruling, allowing the overzealous Oklahoma Law Enforcement Complex the power to prosecute non-tribal rabble-rousers who commit crimes against tribal members on tribal land. Got that?
The ruling, which seemed to contradict how the court ruled only two years earlier, left many legal experts puzzled, but it was naturally celebrated by Stitt and Co., who as we know, have a Custer-like desire to make sure Oklahoma tribal members have as little power as possible.
In fact, back in January, Stitt boldly claimed that Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. – a man who gave his life fighting for marginalized people who suffered through a century of state-sanctioned racism and discrimination – would be "disgusted" by the McGirt decision. This absurd claim prompted our pal Louis Fowler (who keeps getting better, BTW) to come up with a very satirical list of other historical figures who'd also be "disgusted" by it...
1. Mahatma Gandhi
Shortly after learning that the Indigenous from Oklahoma and Indians from, well, India are two different groups of people, Stitt would reason that Gandhi was all in favor of a unified India and Pakistan, and as a result, would be "disgusted" by McGirt.
2. Woody Guthrie
“This land is your land!” Stitt will shout from his microphone, misinterpreting the lyrics to Guthrie’s 1940s tune written in response to the terrible “God Bless America,” telling white Oklahomans that this land is, quite literally, their land, stolen fair and square from the Indigenous people.
3. Mother Teresa
Stitt sees a lot of himself in Mother Theresa, despite the fact she was a demonic Catholic. Considering himself a true man of God determined to save the Godless Indians from themselves, Stitt hopes to help Native children by reopening religious boarding schools for Indigenous children, utilizing the same types of discipline-heavy school-learning that’s needed in quelling their recent behavior.
Contrary to popular belief, Stitt doesn’t think all Indigenous people are of below-average, low-class intelligence. For example, he’s fond of telling the story of Sequoyah and how he developed a written language to better help Natives in simple jobs like taking care of white children, preparing food for white families, and picking up the excrement of white dogs.
5. Will Rogers
Using out-of-context Will Rogers quotes like "If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?" and "Buy land. They ain't making any more of the stuff," Stitt could make a compelling case that Rogers – a Cherokee citizen who was born in the Cherokee Nation – would definitely be in favor of repealing laws that gave his tribe more sovereignty.
6. Jesus Christ
Few men are as heartily religious as Stitt. In his numerous conversations with Jesus Christ, our Lord told him to act as a Savior to the Indigenous people of Oklahoma because, if they learn too much about this scary world, they will be cursed as all of their children, frybread, and food stamps will disappear. And, since it’s Jesus, you can’t dispute it.
7. Jimcy McGirt
“Them good-for-nothing Indians named their court ruling after a criminal...figures!” Stitt will tell his uneducated supporters with a chuckle, letting them know that, if they know an Indigenous person supporting this act, turn them in using a special 800-number and receive a coupon good for $1.00 off at Subway...Eat Fresh!