Last month, we told you about the curious case of Ryan Watson – the Oklahoma good ol' boy who stumbled upon an ingenious way to extend a Caribbean vacation for up to 12 years, when he inadvertently smuggled some bullets into Turks and Caicos.
Although there are probably worse places to experience a real-life episode of “Locked Up Abroad,” I guess Watson is getting tired of drinking Pina Coladas by the beach all day in a tropical paradise and is ready to get back home and see his kids.
To assist him in this measure, he’s called out Oklahoma’s White Trash Iron Man himself – US Senator Marcuswayne Mullin.
Instead of paratrooping onto the island with a backpack full of cash like he did in Afghanistan, or challenging the island’s Minister of Corrections to a battle in the Octagon, Markwayne went with a different approach – diplomacy.
Sadly, it wasn't successful:
First of all, I want to say that if I was locked up in some foreign country, I’d definitely call Marcuswayne before James Lankford. At least you know that Marcuswayne will go to some sort of Jack Ryan efforts to make sure you're freed, while James Lankford will simply offer his thoughts and prayers.
That being said, I don’t think anyone is surprised Marcuswayne’s diplomatic mission didn’t work. The last time he tried to de-escalate a situation peacefully, I’m pretty sure it ended with a rioter being shot dead and Marcuswayne needing a new pair of britches!
Seriously, I know Marcuswayne was probably looking forward to an all-inclusive trip to the islands and everything, but you gotta know your strengths and weaknesses!
Let the adults with IQs over 90 try to negotiate the release of our bullet-loving prisoners from vacation, while you plot some sort of covert, double-suplex commando mission that probably won’t be needed but will at least keep you occupied and out of the way.
Anyway, I guess we’ll continue to follow this story and wish Ryan the best of luck getting home from vacation.
Stay with The Lost Ogle. We’ll keep you advised.
