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Oklahoma McDonald’s Kingpin Could Be Next Speaker of the House…

9:00 AM EDT on October 4, 2023

We’d like to give a big TLO attaboy to Oklahoma McCongressman Kevin Hern!

The former Tulsa-area McDonald’s kingpin turned US Congressman for Oklahoma’s First Congressional District may soon have a super-sized role in Washington D.C.

According to Politico, the mega-millionaire’s name is being floated around to serve as the next Speaker of the House. Let’s just hope a Space X rocket doesn’t explode and ruin it for him...

For the most part, Hern seems like your typical run-of-the-mill Republican congressman.

He’s extremely wealthy, uses inside information to make lucrative stock bets, and opposes welfare, social safety nets, and other government programs used to assist the people who he employed at McDonalds. 

He also doesn’t say or do anything that veers too far outside the standard GOP political discourse, sticking to party-approved talking points and political rhetoric. In fact, he’s pretty boring. As a result, he’s only made The Lost Ogle a couple of times. Boring!

If Hern is elected Speaker of the House, he’ll be the first Oklahoman to hold the position since Carl Albert – a.k.a. “The Little Giant from Little Dixie” – served way back in the 1970s. I guess that means Hern would get a suburban high school or two named after him if he's selected. I’m not sure what nickname he would go with, but the Big Mac from Big Tulsa is a good starting point. 

Of course, the question is if Hern would even want the job if offered to him. I sure as hell wouldn’t! A bunch of four-year-olds with ADHD who just consumed a batch of McFlurries are more fun and manageable than the Republicans in the US House of Representatives.

Then again, if anyone in DC knows something about shitty jobs and managing grown-ups who act like haughty teens, it’s the guy who owned a bunch of McDonald’s.

Anyway, I guess we wish Hern the best of luck in attaining one of America’s worst jobs. Although we disagree with him on many things politically, it would be cool to get to cover an Oklahoman with actual power and influence in our nation’s capital. I mean, it worked out great with Scott Pruitt!

Stay with The Lost Ogle. We’ll keep you advised.

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