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Oklahoma lawmaker introduces “Students’ Religious Belief Protection Act.”

2:33 PM EST on February 2, 2022

In his latest attempt to move past Nathan Dahm for the title of "Most Obnoxious Grandstanding Pandering Derplahoman Moron in the Oklahoma Senate," State Senator Rob Standridge has introduced the Oklahoma Students' Religious Belief Protection Act.

If passed and signed into law, it will prohibit public school employees (a.k.a. teachers) from teaching things that are in opposition to the closely held religious beliefs of students. You know, things like evolution, the big bang theory, or basically any other form of science, history, or literature that may contradict the 2,000-year-old mythological teachings and beliefs that so many Oklahoma kids closely hold dear.

According to the bill summary, parents can take action against a school whenever a violation occurs. In addition to that, they can also sue teachers personally and even try to get them banned from teaching.

Check this out:

I'll tell you, today's kids really do get all the breaks. If this idea was being floated around when I was in school, the first thing I'd do is create a religion that's anti-homework and become a global cult leader!

"And on the 8th day, Abigail burned all homework and promised eternal damnation for all who assign and or complete it."

Seriously, ignore for a second that this stupid bill doesn't grasp the concept of education and seems to violate the Constitution, isn't the fact that any kid can just make up their own "closely held religious beliefs" a pretty big loophole? With marijuana being legal in Oklahoma, it's easier than ever to come up with ideas for a new religion. The smartass Spicolis in Oklahoma classrooms who hate their teachers will take advantage of this left and right!

"Sorry, Mr. Hand. The writings in A Separate Peace violate my closely held religious beliefs."

That being said, we can't really blame Standridge for not thinking this through. These bills are kind of like Onion articles. It's the headline that matters. Plus, he's so focused on his competition with Dahm to be the best right-wing clown in the Senate that you can't really expect him to focus on the details off the bat. That's what amendments are for.

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