There's a new way to die in Oklahoma!
Over the weekend, a Jones man named Brad McMichael learned this the sad and tragic way, when he was killed by a water buffalo.
Yep, that’s right. Not a bison buffalo, Harrah meth-a-ho, or even liberal Hollywood actor Mark Ruffalo, but a real-life water buffalo! Not to take this rhyme game too far, but I guess when it’s your time to go, it’s your time to go!
Listen. I know when people we don’t know die weird and unusual deaths—like, for example, getting killed by a water buffalo in Jones, Oklahoma—there’s a tendency to make light of the situation or, if you're really immature, chuckle at it.
Brad, who had my type of politically incorrect, juvenile sense of humor, would probably agree:
But if you’re a terrible person, and get a little bemused laugh out of a man you didn't know dying in a way that even a Cambodian farmer would consider unusual, you should also do your best to get to know and humanize the person.
When I did that, I learned Brad was apparently a well-known farmer, meat packer, and served on the City of Jones Board of Trustees.
Based on his Facebook page, he was the type of hard-working Oklahoma good ol’ boy who would fight for farmers one day, and then sell a freezer full of freshly slaughtered pork the next:
For what it’s worth, I guess Brad recently purchased the killer beasts at a cattle auction as some sort of livestock flip project. We know this because, quite cryptically, he shared a pic of the buffalo that did him in just a day earlier on Facebook.
Well, that’s chilling. I don’t know which evil buffalo was the culprit, but the mean-looking one on the left definitely gives off some “I’m going to try to gore and trample you later” vibes. Then again, just check out the side eye of the rascal on the right. Either way, they both remind me why the only buffalo I have in my house is Blanton's!
According to KOCO, both of the animals were quickly euthanized after the attack, so the risk of dying by water buffalo attack in Oklahoma is back to near zero—exactly where it probably should be.
Police reported that McMichael was tending to the water buffalo when the attack occurred. The reason for the attack remains unknown, but both animals were euthanized by police—one for the attack and the other for its aggressive behavior toward officers.
I’m going to assume the Jones Police Department knew what they were doing here—a statement I’m not sure I ever thought I’d write—but can you really blame the innocent buffalo for acting a bit aggressive?
In just 48 hours, the bovine was purchased at an auction, transported to a farm in Oklahoma to be fattened up for slaughter, and then watched the cops shoot down his buffalo friend for killing a human. Knowing how trigger-happy cops can be with their own species, I can’t fault him for being a tad stressed by the whole situation.
In all seriousness, Brad seemed like a good dude—the type of guy you’d like to drink beer, haul hay, and shoot guns with. KOCO caught up with his friends and family, who were devastated by the news, and you can watch it below.
Stay with The Lost Ogle. We’ll keep you advised.
