As society crumbles into chaos at Donald Trump's tiny, weird hands, it makes me nostalgic for the pre-apocalyptic era of the late Ronald Reagan and his mythologized tales of trickle-down economics, backstabbing commies, front-stabbing assassins, and everything in between.
Just in time for literally any past president to look good by comparison, this 80s lore has come together in the faith-based film Reagan, starring right-wing darling Dennis Quaid as the putty-faced Reagan.
Even better, this Made In Oklahoma movie was shot in Guthrie, which really makes the Berlin Wall scenes flagrantly pop with its Okie atmosphere of rural dread.
The movie starts with stock footage of Russia and its celebrated son, Soviet asset and probable spy Viktor Petrovich (a doddering Jon Voight). He tells a KGB operative all about the history of the Great American Savior Ronald Reagan, starting in the 1910s when he was a real whippersnapper.
Even though his father was an alcoholic, his mother showed him how to read the Bible and becomes God’s emissary. This turned him onto the communist-fight of the 1950s, with him being a firebrand to the acting craft.
Though his marriage to Jane Wyman was dissolved, he was a big-wig in the studio system, ratting out commies. Turns out Ronnie was an FBI informant, which made such big news that it made the L.A. Riots look like child’s play.
Not really, but okay.
Either way, he meets Nancy (blast-from-the-past Penelope Ann Miller), also an anti-communist, and they hit it off, happily riding horses and each other. They marry, and Ronnie finds himself performing a night-club show based on his Bedtime for Bonzo character.
Fed up with the state of the country, he goes into public service as the song “Wild Thing” plays, characterizing the turbulent sixties, his election loss in the seventies, and his attempted assassination in 1980 and…ugh…this is only the first hour of this movie.
In the Cliff’s Notes version of this movie, Regan goes to Washington, rides some horses, eats jelly beans, trades some weapons for hostages, gets Alzheimer’s, and, finally, dies — probably around the same time your white-bread, prayer-warrior parents’ dreams did…almost.
The movie, with its dramatic impersonations of real actions, real words, and real controversies, had no momentum. Every second of Reagan is interminable—just like Reagan’s actual reign, but with a whiff of “school-play” atmosphere that makes me want to huff the Sharpies.
Forgetting about the politics—Reagan is just plain bad.
Mis-directed by Sean McNamara, the guy behind movies based on Brats, Baby Geniuses, and Sister Swap, which is not a porn title but, looking at his resume, I am surprised it’s not. Either way, he’s not doing his best work for the Oklahoma Film Commission—especially with all the stock footage this movie employs.
As for Quaid, the Spitting Image-puppet does a better job as the Gipper.
That being said, when it is compared to Trump’s presidency, by a long-shot Reagan is a total knock-out. But, you know, what I really want is the faith-filled Kevin Stitt biopic. Just Imagine—the sweeping vistas, the western milieu, and a failed politician with a fake patch of eyebrow hair.
It writes itself.
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Follow Louis Fowler on Instagram at @louisfowler78.
