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What does OKC need to host NBA All-Star Weekend?

4:36 AM EST on February 17, 2020

Over the weekend, NBA stars gathered in Chicago for another All-Star weekend extravaganza. The weekend featured a revamped format, controversial dunk contest, and apparently questions about OKC's status as a All-Star City.

Via The Oklahoman:

Trae Young was asked Saturday if he'd like to see the NBA All-Star game in Oklahoma City some day.

"It'd be super fun to get an All-Star game out in OKC," the Hawks guard and former Sooner said. "Being able to go back home and play in front of them would be fun. I think they gotta get maybe one or two more hotels to be able to get it going."

Oklahoma City Mayor David Holt tweeted that Young was "spot-on."

"I get this question from time to time," Holt tweeted. "NBA requires 6,000 rooms near the arena and wants them to be four-star. Even with (the) Omni we're just not anywhere near that."

Russell Westbrook was asked the same question during media day, and he also gave the hotel response. As a result, it wouldn't shock me if the city decides to fund a MAPS 4 All-Stars that subsidizes a bunch of full service hotels and strip clubs  just to attract an NBA All-Star Game for one year. That being said, I feel like we need to make some other improvements first to accommodate all the athletes, fans, journalists, and hanger-ons that come with hosting an event of this scale...

Hotel Ghostbusters

One of our nicest and most renowned hotels is the historic Skirvin. But it's also common knowledge, especially in the NBA community, that the place is haunted as hell, to the point where Kyrie Irving is even producing a movie about Effie. First, let's clean up the hotels we've already got and hire professional ghostbusters to get those spirits out of here. Dan Aykroyd is probably very affordable these days, and could do it for the promise of another phantom blowjob.

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Better Strip Clubs

It's no secret that NBA players love strip clubs, former Thunder James Harden in particular:

If you've got millions of dollars in disposable income as a professional jock, it's gotta be heaven. Bottle service, beautiful women, famous rappers, what's not to love? Unfortunately, it's very difficult to have a good time at Oklahoma City strip clubs when they're all located out in the boonies and the amenities are lackluster.

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Better Mass Transit

With tens of thousands of people descending on a city like a swarm of locust, All-Star Weekend can turn just about any city into a frenzy of activity. With how much local residents already (unfoundedly) bitch about traffic and parking downtown, an event like this would destroy the souls of all the Moore residents driving to OKC for a Friday night. Actually, that kinda makes me smile, but we need improved transit anyways.

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Gourmet PB&J Restaurant

One of my favorite pieces of behind-the-scenes NBA lore is how so many players have an affinity (and superstition) for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Allegedly, it all comes from Kevin Garnett, according to this wonderful ESPN story from 2017. Not only are PB&J's tasty, but it's easy to digest protein and sugar that's perfect to pre-game with. If anyone wants to help me fund a fancy peanut butter and jelly restaurant, we can stock it with the finest preserves and nut butters this side of the Mississip!

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Progressive Laws

The NBA is the most progressive sports league in the United States. They support diversity and allow their players to speak their minds without NFL-style punishment. The league went as far as to move the 2017 All-Star Game after the original host, Charlotte, NC was pushing through a discriminatory law against LGBTQ+. If you wanna see OKC get a huge event like this, make sure to vote out all the fundamentalist dinosaurs who still populate our political halls.

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