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9 cool places Christina Fallin can call home…

christina fallin trailer

By now, our beloved Hipster Boo Boo should be moved out of the trailer and into the spare bedroom at the Governor's Mansion. As most of us know, it's tough to move back home after having the freedom and independence associated with having your own place... or lot of land in the backyard. As a result, Patrick and I decided to be positive for once and come up with a few cool places Christina Fallin can crash at while searching for more permanent living arrangements.

Here we go:


1. Unfinished Native American Cultural Center

Currently empty, you Christina could be the catalyst that kicks this project in full gear! Bring along your headdress and fancy-shawl and, in exchange for room and board, teach busloads of white, relatable tourists about this state’s rich Native American heritage with lectures on beautiful things and dance performances at 11:35, 2:15 and 4:00 every day (except Sundays).


hipster boo boat

2. Houseboat on the Bricktown Canal

Alright, Christina: you’ve already desecrated the Governor’s Mansion by parking a trailer on the premises, so why not go the full nine leagues and just buy a houseboat, running it along the Bricktown Canal? I look forward the twenty-two page spread in So6Six magazine dedicated to your quirky “nautical style.”



3. Apartment at 122nd and Penn

I had a friend who lived here for years and yes, the reviews are all true. Thankfully, due to all the bullets whizzing through the paper thin walls, they always have vacancies. Let Oklahoma’s fetishistic pro-gun policies work in your favor! Also, with a low deposit that you your mother can easily afford, you could be moved in by tonight.



4. Trailer Park in Valley Brook

The Lost Ogle is the first forum to predict with Kreskin-esque grace that you will, out of boredom, eventually and “accidentally,” release a sex tape upon an unsuspecting public. What better way to get a start than to move that state-of-the-art trailer to the sin capitol of Oklahoma City, Valley Brook? Imagine the “artistic” Pink Pony—emphasis on the pink—videos that you kids could shoot with that type of inspiration.


5. Wayne Coyne's Vagintorium of Tinsel-Fed Terrors

You and Flaming Lips fuck-up Wayne Coyne are still pals, right? Don’t you think that after throwing you under the Electric Kool-Aid Acid bus that he owes you, at the very least, a place to crash for a few days? Sure, you might get a glitter-related yeast infection and have to keep your drink covered at all times, but hey, ART.


steve battles sig

6. The SIG

Hey, it is currently empty.



7. Dalmatian Puppy Mill

Everytime I see you, Christina, all I can think about is how sexy you would look in a coat made from the fur of 100, possibly even 101 Dalmatians. That soft puppy-hair clinging close to your milky-white flesh as you puff on a Parliament…now that’s Oklahoma cool and, if there’s one thing we do best in this state, it’s our brutal backwoods puppy-mills. Take that mobile-home out to Slaughterville, build a couple of coops and just disappear for a while, only to return by shaking up the fashion world with your unique take on animal cruelty.


christina fallin

8. The cemetery from that Milk on Milk video

If you think living in a trailer is the hipster thing to do, imagine how much street cred you'd get if you lived in a trailer in a cemetery! I bet R&J Lounge would personally deliver 1950s inspired cocktails to you.



9. My House

We’ve had our differences in the past, Boo Boo, but you know, I’m willing to let bygones be bygones and sublet the extra room in my house to you for about $300 a month. I do have rules, however: no smoking inside the house and you must clean up any messes Steven Battles leaves on the carpet.

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