Ogle Madness VI begins now. In case you missed it, here's the bracket:
This is the most special time of the year because it allows me to write with liberal amounts of snark. Also, Patrick pays me in Lost Ogle trivia pens. If you don't think pens work as currency, you've never tried to buy a thing from a hobo. They love pens because they're more than just pens in Hoboworld. They're valuable multifaceted tools that serve as straws, joint holders, shivs, tracheotomy tubes, lady stabbin' sticks, and "permanent pencils." What was I buying from a hobo? Let's just say you should do yourself a favor and try to buy a "Magic Meat" sandwich for five pens. Totally worth it.
Here's your first group of match-ups for the day. They come from the top half of the Northeast Region. The lower half will be posted later today. See! Now you have something to look forward to!
(1) Gary England vs. (16) KFOR's Social Media Director
(8) Regular Jim Traber vs. (9) Christina Fallin
(4) Scott Brooks vs. (13) Aubrey McClendon
(5) Blake Shelton vs. (12) Prague Valedictorian
So spend your mornings stressing over this and vote accordingly. It's the least we'd do for you if you were in this competition.Better luck next year, Ryan Tate.
Vote!
(1) Gary England vs. (16) KFOR's Social Media Director
(1) Gary England
Conference: Godlike Weather Predictors
Who he Is: Some say "God". By "some" I mean "all".
Biggest Strengths: Not having any weaknesses.
Biggest Weaknesses: See above.
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(16) KFOR's Social Media Director
Conference: Lucky Careers That Didn't Exist Five Years Ago
Who She Is: Another cute reporter at KFOR who also got engaged.
Biggest Strengths: Hair.
Biggest Weakness: Referred to us as TLO in a company wide e-mail.
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(8) Regular Jim Traber vs. (9) Christina Fallin
(8) Regular Jim Traber
Conference: Raging Spouse Havers
Who He Is: Super angry host on Sports Animal; Mazzio's lover
Biggest Strengths: Parlayed screaming and yelling about things that don't matter into a job.
Biggest Weaknesses: Super bad at keeping his Twitter account private.
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(9) Christina Fallin
Conference: Marriage Addicted Offspring of Subpar Governors
Who they are: Daughter of this state's governor.
Biggest Strengths: Seems to find spouses galore.
Biggest Weaknesses: Can't seem to keep spouses.
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(4) Scott Brooks vs. (13) Aubrey McClendon
(4) Scott Brooks
Conference: Thunder Coaches Who Look Like Soviet Hockey Coaches
Who they are: OKC Thunder Coach
Biggest Strengths: Coaches some of the greatest NBA players to have ever been in Thunderstruck.
Biggest Weaknesses: Derek Fisher.
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(13) Aubrey McClendon
Conference: Scrooge McDuck Humans
Who they are: Former CEO of Chesapeake Energy
Biggest Strengths: Avoiding Federal Indictment
Biggest Weaknesses: Ethical business practices
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(5) Blake Shelton vs. (12) Prague Valedictorian
(5) Blake Shelton
Conference: Oklahoma Country Stars Not Named Garth, Reba, Toby or Carrie
Who they are: Country star; Judge on The Voice; Miranda Lambert Husband
Biggest Strengths: Has won two seasons of The Voice; Sang Okie commerical jingles
Biggest Weaknesses: Doesn't hide disdain for Adam Levine all that well.
(12) Prague Valedictorian
Conference: Awesome Teens Who Will Probably Change the World
Who they are: Teen who got in trouble for saying "hell".
Biggest Strengths: Pissed off this guy.
Biggest Weaknesses: Probably peaked in high school. Welcome to the club.
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