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Law and Order

This hillbilly likes the other white meat a little too much…

When someone mentions Davis, Oklahoma, I think of Turner Falls, Arbuckle Wilderness and the Falls Creek Church Camp. Now, thanks to Jimmy "Hawkeye" Jeter, there's something else to associate with the small town in the foothills of the Arbuckle "mountains." Hillbilly animal rape!

From KFOR:

Authorities in Murray County have charged a 77-year-old man for violating a show pig at an agriculture barn located on the property of Davis Public Schools. Court documents state Jimmy “Hawkeye” Jeter of Davis was caught on surveillance video inside the barn.

Records state Jeter "walked into the pen, unzipped his pants, appeared to pull something out of his pants, then bent over the gilt (female pig)."

During an interview with investigators, documents state Jeter "said he was not trying to poison the gilt" and stated "I just stuck my finger up her private. That's all I did." Authorities say Jeter admitted he "poured corn out to hold the gilt still" and that he "did this in the early 70s."

Court documents state Jeter also admitted that he got sexual gratification from the incident.

Jeter was arrested and booked into the Murray County Jail.

He was charged with detestable and abominable crime against nature.

First of all, I'd like to thank Jimmy for totally ruining the nickname "Hawkeye." We've been calling Clark Matthews that for years because he's so good at archery. We had no clue it was also the southern Oklahoma code word for animal rapists. Maybe that's why Clark Matthews has always frowned upon it.

I'd also like to thank Jimmy for making me relive that terrible experience from my childhood when my cousin and I accidentally watched Deliverance on HBO. I use the word "accidentally" because we were a couple of 11-year-old kids thinking we were about to watch a cool action movie with Burt Reynolds, not something that would instill an irrational  and life-long fear of canoes, banjos and Ned Beatty.

Anyway, I think I'm going to go take a bath or something now. Also, can the people in Murray County do us all a favor and make sure Hawkeyes goes to jail and never gets out? We'd all appreciate that.

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