Before I sign off for a little extended spring break weekend staycation, I wanted to talk about the big news from yesterday – Marcuswayne Mullin didn’t challenge anyone to a fight during yesterday’s big Senate confirmation hearing!
Yes, that’s right. He didn’t at any point challenge anyone to a joust, octagon battle, or even a trial by seven.
Instead, it was kind of the opposite!
Just like a troubled teenager appearing before a juvenile court judge, he was actually very well-behaved and composed, and clearly tried to say the right things, show the right temperament, and make the right impression to secure a job in Trump’s cabinet.
In honor of Sunday’s Oscars, he even managed to feign some woke emotion and pretend to cry!
Wow. That’s kind of wild, huh? Who knew all it took was putting Marcuswayne in charge of Trump’s gestapo to make him show emotional growth? What’s next? Is he going to start listening to NPR and eating granola?
Marcuswayne’s ability to stay cool, calm, and collected – and not challenge anyone to a fight – was made even more impressive by Senator Rand Paul doing everything in his power to goad him into doing exactly that.
I guess that’s the other big takeaway from the Senate confirmation – Rand Paul really, really, really hates Marcuswayne Mullin!
Apparently, way back in 2016, Marcuswayne kind of applauded Rand Paul getting his ass whipped by a crazy neighbor. Rand, it seems, never forgot and brought it up about 200 times during the hearing.
That's a bit of a long, boring watch. If you ask me, the Daily Show did a great job lampooning it all here:
That’s pretty funny stuff. As someone who’s been covering and lampooning Marcuswayne and his two first names for over 10 years now, it’s nice to see the national humor media take a fresh crack at him. I could use a break and/or help!
Anyway, although Marcuswayne was on good behavior during his hearing, I’m sure everything will return to normal soon. Trump and his administration thrive on controversy and chaos, and they wouldn’t have chosen a man of Marcuswayne’s character and intelligence if he’s not going to bring that.
Hell, I bet his first order of business as DHS secretary will be to install fighting pits in ICE detention centers and/or challenge Rand Paul to a duel – something this country probably deserves after all.
Stay with The Lost Ogle. We’ll keep you advised.
