If you had plans this weekend or vague hopes to leave the house at all, you might be salty that Oklahoma City is canceled for a wily winter weather event – especially if you doubt we'll get a foot of snow, lose power for four days, and starve from lack of shelf-stable sustenance.
Anyway, unless Governor Stitt invites me to join him skiing in Santa Fe, I'm stuck in Oklahoma City this weekend... and likely so are you! Here are some ideas for alternative ways to spend the days.
Play Oklahoma City Monopoly.
Game nights are the best! If you don’t already own the collector’s edition, Tulsa-skyline version of the new Oklahoma City Monopoly game, you have a few hours to make it happen. It’s too late for Amazon, but Mode in Midtown had some last I checked, and Mayor Holt probably has a few extras he is all too happy to be rid of?
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Skate on snow routes that aren’t plowed.
When extreme boredom sets in, the idea of an icy outdoor adventure holds a mysterious appeal. Lace up your imaginary skates, admire OKC’s commitment to optimism over infrastructure, and enjoy the rare treat of gliding down what is theoretically an emergency corridor but functionally a frozen Slip 'N Slide.
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Pretend OG&E’s power outage is romantic, and stay in bed all weekend.
Light all the candles, break out the alpaca blankets and turn your bedroom into a sanctuary for a cold heart. This option is most fun if you have a lover and a fireplace, but we trust you to get creative and generate your own heat. After all, Oklahomans are famous for adapting to the worst conditions – we live here!
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Burn books to keep warm.
If you don’t have a fireplace or a lover to keep you warm this weekend, you could always take up book-burning. It’s a proud tradition among Oklahomans who fear ideas, hate nuance, and confuse mild discomfort with oppression. Consider it 451°F of emergency heat for the aggressively incurious!
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Drink local booze.
I can raise my core body temp by just thinking of a good whiskey burn! When the local economy comes to a screeching halt for a winter weather event, you can do your part by making sure you are getting day-drunk on local booze. There are a surprising number of quality Oklahoma brands out there – pick your poison.
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Get high and eat the weirdest things in your pantry.
I am really excited about this one – you should see some of the weird shit in my pantry! French pesto soup that expired two years ago? Pickled beets my mom thought I might need some strange day? Various canned vegan meats? Hell yeah. Blinding hunger and bad decisions just come easy after a nugget of Northern Lights or a dab of Double Déjà Vu. Don’t hold back.
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Fuck it, go skiing in New Mexico with Kevin Stitt!
Oh, how I love New Mexico... me and the governor! Remember the Siberian Snowpocalypse of 2021 and how Gov. Stitt snuck off to ski in Santa Fe while city leaders scrambled to address the winter weather emergency? If all else fails, just get out! Leave the storm for the little people to suffer. It’s not too late to catch a flight to Albuquerque – maybe Stitt will save you a seat!
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If you have any excellent, mostly legal ideas to keep warm and entertained this weekend, let us know in the comments.
