Last week, with the dark glimmer of satanic Trump energy hovering over our heads, my fiancée and I made plans to meet my mother for a friendly lunch.
I’ll admit, I was a bit nervous.
Lately, it feels like the entire nation—especially places like Moore, Oklahoma—is trapped in a cheap, ball-capped death trance, a formally trashy cult where homespun diners double as right-wing meeting halls.
And with my red-state mother—like so many others—now answering Trump’s clarion call, I couldn’t help but wonder what might be said, what might rear its ugly head, and whether it would cause me to have another stroke.
As the headline reflects, the setting for this psychological dining thriller was Pickles in Moore.
I’d driven past the original Pickles location off I-35 a few thousand times in my life but never made it inside. With that spot now a QuikTrip, I figured it was as good a time as any to check out its new Moore outpost just down the street at 2713 N. Broadway.
Located in what appears to be a refurbished Kettle, the interior is lined with enough Hobby Lobby wall art and Precious Moments knickknacks to create a homey feel.
I was Biblically impressed.
Taking our seats, I was handed a hot cup of coffee—good coffee—and glanced over the menu. Looking around, I realized I was the youngest customer in the place. And being in my mid-forties, that made it feel like a retirement home cafeteria.
We quickly placed our order, and the small talk began. Bracing myself for a comment about the election, we instead discussed the weather and other trivial matters.
Then, as a respite from this thankfully mundane conversation, our appetizer arrived—the Fried Pickles ($8.99).
Hopefully living up to the restaurant’s namesake, these spears were more than just a gimmick. Breaded and lambasted with a generous side of homemade ranch dressing, the pickles were comically big, impressively firm, and, most importantly, very, very dippable.
As the last spear was being thrust into the heart of my mouth, the entrees arrived.
My mother, unfortunately, opted for one of the more blah items on the menu—a Veggie Omelet ($10.99). It was exactly what you’d expect: a typical omelet stuffed with typical onions, typical bell peppers, typical mushrooms, and typical tomatoes, served alongside a steaming pile of hash browns.
It was fine, but, really, what can you expect from a plain veggie omelet? It was pretty serviceable, but nothing to write home about. At all.
Ordering off the whiteboard of specials in front of the dining room, my fiancée was giddy with pride when she chose the Texas Melt ($11.99) with fries cheesy hash browns.
It was a straight beef patty and some cheddar cheese that was slapped between two pieces of toasted white bread, with some sauteed onions and mayo to taste.
The most basic of all basic sandwiches, the Texas Melt was actually pretty delicious and well worth the ten or so bucks.
The beef was okay, and the cheese was okay and, you know, that’s all there is to it. But what really worked were the tastiest and cheesiest hash browns this side of the Red River. Yee-haw!
For my lunch, I went with the more sophisticated Bougee Burger ($11.95), a semi-classy affair with the burger topped with a perfectly fried egg, and melted cheese, with assorted fixings including lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, and onions.
With a side of seasoned fries rounding out the meal, this was a fantastic sandwich, for the most part. The beef was good, but the fried egg itself was delicious. With a little poke in the ovum, the runny business was embracing my yolk-friendly mind, creating a thick burger that might be bougee in name but it sure is working-class!
With no dessert in sight, I paid the bill and took a long, final sip of my still-somewhat-steaming coffee.
As I looked around, I realized my pre-meal anxiety had faded. The subject of Trump never came up once, and—for at least one lunch—I was able to enjoy good food and a good mood.
Sadly, this peaceful meal feels like a brief reprieve. The next four years? A different story.
Cómpralo ya!
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Follow Louis Fowler on Instagram at @louisfowler78.
