Take a nap, skip school, and fail a standardized test! Oklahoma education has somehow managed to get even dumber!
As I’m sure you know, President Donald Trump – the greatest president we’ve ever had who’s slept with a porn star – recently announced he’s magically renaming the Gulf of Mexico and Mt. Denali to the Gulf of America and Mt. McKinley.
You know, to make America great again.
In an effort to prove he’s not just a deranged right-wing moron but also a quick-to-obey lemming whose loyalty to Trump knows no bounds, Oklahoma’s State School Superintendent of Edumacation Ryan Walters wasted no time adopting these geographic name changes… by announcing he’s updating the state’s history standards.
Yep, that’s right. It seems our former AP social studies teacher doesn’t even know the difference between the blue and yellow pie slices in Trivial Pursuit.
Here are details via KFOR:
Oklahoma State Superintendent Ryan Walters announced on Thursday that the state’s history standards have been updated to include the terms Gulf of America and Mount McKinley following an executive order by President Donald Trump.
“We are proud to support President Trump’s orders regarding the Gulf of America and Mount McKinley,” said Walters. “Our nation’s proud history and heritage is accurately reflected in these updates, and President Trump is correct in making them. I look forward to continuing to work with the Trump administration and make our schools, and America, great again.”
In a press release sent out by Walters, he says that Oklahoma is the first state to comply with the executive order.
Seriously, what a moron.
I know I'm not an AP history teacher, but what is even the most historically significant event to happen in the Gulf of Mexico? Maybe the curriculum’s changed since I was a kid, but I don’t remember hearing about the Gulf’s exploration or any great naval battles. Hell, the most historically significant event to happen in recent memory is the BP Oil Spill. Do we really want to take American ownership of that?
"Whatever, Patrick! You’re being nitpicky! This affects history, too! Any historical mention of the Gulf of Mexico or Mt. Denali needs to be updated!"
I guess that’s technically true, but still—this affects Geography and Cartography way more than history.
If we’re going to drop to our knees, clear our throats, and go full Hak Tua on Trump and his performative cartographic revisionism, can we at least do it correctly? This is like Trump announcing he’s renaming the Milky Way to Galaxy America, and Ryan Walters responding by updating our state’s candy bar standards to reflect it.
Of course, we all know this isn’t about history, geography, or even education.
It’s about Ryan continuing to use our public schools as a battleground for today’s culture wars and staying relevant in the Trumpian circle jerk.
Instead of tackling real issues—like teacher shortages, outdated resources, or the fact that most Oklahoma students can’t even find the Gulf of Mexico or America on a map—he’s more focused on grabbing headlines and attention, leading our kids further and further into a Gulf of Stupidity. It’s a place where geography becomes history, and actual progress is as mythical as the Gulf of America itself.
Stay with The Lost Ogle. We’ll keep you advised.
