Shells and Cheese: Ammo Vending Machines Coming To Your Neighborhood Grocer

I hope everyone had a fun and festive 4th of July holiday!

If you’re bummed that fireworks and dog torment season is over for the year, don’t feel too bad. Thanks to capitalism, it's becoming easier than ever to purchase loud explosive objects that can blow off a hand or face!

In a news story being celebrated by ill-prepared armed robbers across the country, Channel 5 reported last week that “Ammo Vending Machines” are being installed in various Oklahoma grocery stores.

Yep, that’s right – ammo vending machines at grocery stores, because you never know when you’ll need a small arsenal of bullets to go along with your hamburger meat, sloppy joe mix, and toilet paper... or to handle a road rage incident in the parking lot.

Via KOCO:

Automated ammunition vending machines have recently been installed inside several grocery stores across Oklahoma and Alabama.

The machines, created by American Rounds, offer ammo to be purchased without engaging with a store clerk. They “are accessible 24/7, ensuring that you can buy ammunition on your own schedule, free from the constraints of store hours and long lines,” according to the company’s website.

Here's a hype video the company made for one:

First of all, let’s hope these work better than regular vending machines. Moving and shaking a machine to dislodge a Nutter Butter is one thing, but doing that to get some bullets seems a bit dangerous!

Outside of that minor safety concern – and the natural question of why someone would be in such urgent need of ammo that they’d hit up a vending machine – I’m all for this.

For far too long, Walmart has been about the only place where you could satisfy your ammunition needs along with your normal grocery shopping. But now that they restrict the sale of certain types of ammo, it’s way past time for Oklahomans to have another bullet-pointed option!

So, where can gun lovers, criminals, and other people who travel to Turks and Caicos on vacation find these bullet-dispensing machines that will free them from “the constraints of store hours and long lines?”

KOCO has the answer:

The company’s website lists vending machine locations in Kingston, Lindsay, Noble, and Wetumka.

Listen. I appreciate American Rounds’s ambitious play into late-stage dystopian future capitalism, but unless your name is Larry, Darryl, or Larrydarryl, I think just about every Oklahoma City resident would rather wait in line at H&H or the local gun show than drive to any of those places.

Well, that is unless you’re in the area for a militia meeting and forgot to restock your ammo. Then I guess it would be convenient.

Stay with The Lost Ogle. We’ll keep you advised.