Here we grow again!
After consulting with local bankers, venture capitalists, and, most importantly, PR professionals who told us it’s yet another way to dupe the media into giving us more publicity for our far-fetched project, The Lost Ogle is proud to announce we have secured $6.9-billion in funding to construct our 2,500 feet tall TLO “Tower of Excellence” in downtown Oklahoma City.
Well, that is as long as we can find a co-signer.
In case you forgot, the tower will be the largest man-made structure in the known universe and be located just across the street from the OKC cock ring.
In addition to serving as TLO’s home office, it will offer unaffordable housing, overflood the market with office space, and provide a variety of hip, cool, overpriced restaurants that will likely close 12 - 18 months after opening.
To pay homage to Oklahoma City architecture, it will also be capped by a 500-foot replica milk bottle:
Funding on the project is being provided by Penn Square Bank, National Check Cashers and a hodgepodge of other thrifts, venture capitalist groups, and foreign entities that we can’t and won’t name.
Although the lack of concrete details regarding the funding is an obvious red flag that should make any normal person question the validity of our claims, you have nothing to worry about.
Everything’s fine.
There’s no need to be skeptical, ask additional questions, or question my lack of experience taking on a project of this magnitude. You can obviously trust us and take us for our word, because Oklahoma City just approved funding for a new Thunder arena.
Plus, we have renderings!
Well, at least that's the precedent being set by KOCO Channel 5.
Despite a lack of details about the project and its funding, and its primary developer being shrouded in mystery, they recently reported that the Boardwalk in Bricktown – that other super tower being proposed for OKC – has secured funding to move forward:
Developer says he has secured financing to build country's tallest skyscraper in OKC
The tallest skyscraper in America is another step closer to becoming a reality in downtown Oklahoma City.
The developer of the Boardwalk at Bricktown project said he has secured financing for the project, which could include a tower that is more than 1,900 feet tall.
“The goal is to start moving dirt by the end of summer, doing the grading and infrastructure on the entire four acres of land," said Scot Matteson, the developer of the Boardwalk at Bricktown project.
That’s wild! In a bizarre coincidence, we’re supposed to start moving dirt on our super tower this summer, too!
In fact, I probably need to hit up Home Depot and rent a bulldozer and excavator or two before Matteson beats me to it! If KOCO wants to meet me at the one-off May, they can get some good b-roll footage of me completing paperwork for their upcoming story.
Anyway, if you’d like more info on our project, and/or have a credit score over 800 and wouldn’t mind co-signing on a loan, shoot us an email on the TLO Tip Line.
Stay with The Lost Ogle. We’ll keep you advised.
