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TLO to add giant 500-foot Milk Bottle to proposed Tower of Excellence!!!

11:44 AM EST on January 24, 2024

Earlier this month, we unveiled to the world our plans to build the TLO Tower of Excellence in downtown Oklahoma City – a $4-billion-dollar, 2,500-foot tall mega skyscraper that, when completed, would be the second tallest building in the world. 

As expected, the major news was virtually ignored by everyone in the local and national news media. 

Despite giving wall-to-wall coverage to other equally ambitious development projects that will likely never happen, we didn’t get one call from Steve Lackmeyer, The Journal Record, or even Shady Pete from OKC Talk.

Nope, they ignored us like they always do.

As a result of this slight – and to pay homage to classic OKC architecture – we’re proud to announce we’re now adding a giant 500-foot-tall milk bottle spire to the top of the structure, which will make it the tallest man-made object in the known universe. 

Check this out:

If you’re an astute observer, you may notice a milky-white fluid exploding from the top of the bottle.

That’s because we’ve consulted with the engineering firm of Clark Matthews and Associates – Hey, a Clark Matthews reference! –  to make the bottle spew a large frothy batch of white liquid into the air each day at 19:07 military time.

You know, to celebrate the year Oklahoma became a state.

Here’s an updated rendering of what the revised tower will look like on the OKC Skyline:

Pretty cool, huh? Construction on the project is set to begin this spring and will be overseen by Homes By Tabor. Financing on the now 3,000-foot-tall structure will be provided by Express Credit Auto.

Any questions?

“Whatever Patrick. You’re just doing this to mock the recent announcement by the Boardwalk at Bricktown developers that they’re adding a big spire to their proposed downtown skyscraper that will never happen, which would make it the tallest building in the US. I see what you’re doing here.”

Okay, so I will admit that the recent announcement by the Boardwalk at Bricktown developers did inspire us to add the giant milk bottle to the TLO Tower of Excellence. 

In case you missed it, the developers of the building that will never be built issued a press release announcing they're adding a big spire that will make it 1907 feet tall.

Naturally, Shady Pete with OKC Talk took the PR bait:

Yep! It’s official! You know the giant building they’re never going to build in Bricktown? They’re now going to add a big spire to it to make it taller! And you heard all about the addition to the project that’s never going to happen first on OKC Talk! Go journalism! 

According to developers, they’re adding the spire to make the building 1907 feet tall:

The ambitious development features a collection of three towers, each rising to 345 feet, and a fourth striking supertall tower, referred to as Legends Tower, that ascends to 1,907 feet, creating an impressive silhouette against the Oklahoma City skyline. The symbolic height honors the year that Oklahoma was admitted as the 46th state of the United States.

Yep, these developers are so out of touch with OKC that they think we care about the number 1907. I hate to break this to them, but I doubt most of the people in our city can even count that high, much less know it’s the year Oklahoma became a state. Hell, if you polled 100 Oklahomans and asked them what 1907 meant, I bet a majority would wrongly say it’s a microdosing cannabis brand.

Anyway, enough about a tall building that will never happen. 

If you'd like more updates on the TLO Tower of Excellence, we’ll be hosting a press conference next Thursday at the American Banjo Museum in Bricktown. We’ll have free drinks and refreshments, as well as a special all-banjo acoustic performance by Super Freak featuring Lucas Ross. 

Stay with The Lost Ogle. We’ll keep you advised.

* Looking for cool drone shots of OKC? Check out https://www.facebook.com/flighttimeokc

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