At least one Oklahoma teacher knows how to handle the first-day-of-school jitters!
Last week, Kimberly Coates – a third-grade teacher at Perkins-Tryon Intermediate School – lived out every teacher’s fantasy and got shit-faced at school.
Unfortunately for Coates, she took things a bit too far and the fantasy turned into a nightmare:
Perkins Police said Perkins-Tryon school officials contacted the school resource officer in regards to a possibly intoxicated teacher around 3:20 p.m. Thursday.
The SRO met up with the teacher, Kimberly Coates, who teaches third graders, and said she was under the influence of alcohol.
Perkins police said Coates gave them a breath sample that showed a blood alcohol concentration of .24.
Wow. Even by Nichols Hills housewife day-drinking standards, scoring a .24 in the middle of the afternoon is pretty impressive! According to this chart, that’s about eight drinks for a 140 lbs female. I bet all the other teachers can’t wait to hear how she did it! Did she pour half a bottle of Jack into a Route 44 Coke Zero, or did she simply chug shots in a stall in the bathroom?
According to the Stillwater News Press, Coates came up with a bad lie to justify it:
The [police] report stated Coates told police she drank half a box of wine the night before and stopped drinking around 3 a.m. School began at 8:25 a.m…
“I asked Kimberly again how much she had to drink. Kimberly stated she drank some wine on her way to work this morning. Kimberly denied drinking any this afternoon,” Dean wrote.
The police report said Ogle went to Coates’ classroom to retrieve her bag. Inside was a blue cup that had red liquid in it. Dean wrote the liquid had an alcoholic odor that he believed to be wine.
“Kimberly stated she drank out of that cup yesterday and not today,” Dean wrote.
First of all, she should have done what every teenager does when their parents find their booze and say it belongs to a friend. Just like with my parents, I bet the cops and school administrators would have been dumb enough to believe it!
What they’re not going to believe, though, is someone blowing a .24 on a breathalyzer 12 hours after they claim to have stopped drinking. If that’s legit, the should have her liver examined by the world’s premier scientists and physicians, because it defies biology, chemistry and other woke subjects that Ryan Walters would like to ban from being taught in school.
On that note, despite Coates getting hammered at school, Oklahoma State School Superintendent Ryan Walters hasn’t issued a public statement condemning her.
Yep, it’s true!
Unlike teachers who share QR codes that point to online libraries, he for some reason hasn’t issued a press release vowing to sabotage her career and revoke her teaching license. He also hasn’t called for every superintendent in the state to comb through every teacher’s lounge in the state in search of rogue bottles of liquor like they’re bags of kitty litter in student bathrooms.
Nope, I guess Ryan Walters is totally fine with the teachers getting drunk at school and sloppily indoctrinating our alcoholism, especially when they look like someone who would vote for him:
Seriously, can you imagine Ryan’s reaction if this lady taught a Tulsa Public School? He and Matt would be organizing secret press conferences at undisclosed locations and getting out a dry-erase board to lecture everyone with scribbly numbers...
But since the event happened at a rural school district, he’s as quiet as a student studying at the Harbor Mountain Coffee House.
Stay with The Lost Ogle. We’ll keep you advised.
