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Report: Ryan Walters still massive turd-flaming dillhole

8:37 AM EDT on May 2, 2023

We have some breaking news to report, Moles. 

Yesterday afternoon, Oklahoma State School Superintendent Ryan Walters – the noble and valiant educator who wants to eliminate indoctrination from public schools by, uhm, making sure there’s a bible in every public school classroom – confirmed yesterday that he is, indeed, still a massive turd-flaming dillhole. 

Yes, that’s right. It’s still official. Nothing has changed. 

While the Oklahoma Senate, House of Representatives, and Governor Stitt fight and bicker about how they’re going to redirect public school dollars into the pockets of religious theocrats, charter school grifters, wealthy GOP donors, and other anti-government saboteurs in the name of (wink wink) “School Choice,” Ryan Walters did his part to distract everyone and steal some headlines by participating in a made-for-outrage budget hearing where he said totally outrageous, stupid things that a good chunk of poor rural dimwit Oklahoma voters agree with.

For example:

In front of an overflow crowd, Oklahoma's top education official called teacher unions "terrorist organizations" and blamed his predecessor for leaving his agency a "dumpster fire" while answering pointed questions from lawmakers for over two hours Monday at the Capitol.

State schools Superintendent Ryan Walters' most incendiary comments prompted groans from Democrats before the meeting came to an abrupt end. The House Appropriations and Budget Committee had invited Walters for an update on education issues.

I know I'm a sucker for nostalgia, but that brings back some memories.

It seems like it was just yesterday when former Oklahoma lawmaker Sally Kern – who was also a teacher – was stealing headlines and controversy when she told voters in a secretly recorded meeting that gays were a bigger threat to the country than terrorists. 

Now flash forward 15 years – yes, we’re old – and Sally Kern is the terrorist! It’s crazy how right-wing rhetoric flies! 

If you’re bored and want to watch a man speed through questions from lawmakers like he’s twerking on a powerful combination of Vyvanse and Mini-Thins, you can watch the entire meeting here

It was kind of amusing to watch lawmakers calmly, cautiously, and slowly ask Ryan policy questions like they’re negotiating with a tired four-year-old who’s on the verge of a temper tantrum, only to have Ryan either provide a long, meandering, hard-to-follow answers that resembled a manic episode, or just go to the ye old bag of partisan attacks.

For example:

In all fairness, Rep. Bennett did walk into a trap there. 

Just like negotiating with terrorists, trying to reason with a turd-flaming dillhole who specializes in being unreasonable is a fool’s errand. Forrest would have been better off asking Ryan which book of the Bible we should use to replace high school earth science. Or, better yet, ask for his favorite order from the Harbor Mountain Coffee House. 

Basically, it’s time for lawmakers to swoop down to Ryan’s level. That will provide an even better distraction as Oklahoma politicians figure out the best way to defund Oklahoma public schools. 

Until then, stay with The Lost Ogle. We’ll keep you advised. 

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