Oklahoma woman attacked by Jack the monkey…

Although we often criticize our state and complain about living here, one cool thing about calling Oklahoma home is that there are so many unique, dangerous, and downright terrifying things out there that can permanently end or alter your life. 

Whether it’s being sucked away in a tornado, accidentally booking an AIRBNB run by a pair of cannibalistic castrators, or being dive-bombed by a hawk while putting up Christmas decorations, you just never know what danger or trouble is lurking around the corner.

A lady down near Ardmore learned this the other day when she was viciously attacked by her neighbor’s pet monkey on her front porch. His name was Jack.

KOKH Channel 25 has all the details:

Dickson, Okla. (KOKH) — A Carter County woman says she was attacked and injured by a neighbor's pet monkey while in her own front yard Sunday afternoon…

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"The monkey was trying to get into my house," victim Brittany Parker said. "The little button that you push in on the screen door, he broke it off. I was literally hanging onto my door trying to hold it closed."

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Parker says she called police and went outside when officers got there.

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That is when she was attacked.

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"He jumped up on my back and landed on my head," Parker said. "He started grabbing handfuls of hair and just ripped it out. He ripped my ear almost completely off of my head."

Yikes. That sounds pretty terrifying and traumatic on its own, but to add insult to injury, check out the bandage they used to hold her ear together:

I know I'm not a doctor, but the next time a monkey attack survivor hits up the ER, maybe don't use the bandage that looks like a little banana to patch the person's ear back together. Seriously, did they give her a little barrel organ to take home, too?

For Brittany’s sake, let’s hope Jack didn’t have any relatives, because once they see that thing hanging from her ear, all they’ll be able to think about is lunch. 

On the topic of Jack, well, things didn’t end too well for him.

Before he could get a fair trial or share his side of the story, he was the victim of Oklahoma-style vigilante justice:

Police say the monkey ran off after the attack.

"As we were looking for the primate, two shots were fired," Dickson police chief Tim Duncan said. "The shots came from the area of the victim's residence. Officers went back to the house and found that a family member of the victim shot and killed the primate."

That’s sad. It’s not Jack’s fault that he was lost in the Oklahoma wilderness trying to find shelter while terrified out of his little monkey mind. His attack on Brittany was awful and whoever owned him should be sued to Hell, but he seems like the real victim here. RIP little guy. 

Stay with The Lost Ogle. We’ll keep you advised.