Last week, our friends with the Oklahoma Project dropped a commercial making fun of Kevin Stitt for using a million-dollar helicopter for his daily commute from his Oak Tree Mansion to the Governor’s Mansion.
Or as Carly would call them, "Private Residences."
Check it out:
That’s pretty funny. The only problem is it’s not really true…
Okay, so I guess Stitt doesn’t take a state helicopter for his daily commute from the mansion where he lives to the mansion where he works. Womp womp. In a normal world, I would criticize the Oklahoma Project for spreading fake news, but they actually advertise with us so screw that! As reading The Oklahoman for so many years has taught me, never bite the hand of the kind, generous sponsors and political operatives that feed!
Plus, let's admit it – spreading fake news is kind of fun! As a result, I thought I would double-down and share 7 other modes of transportation Sttt uses to commute to and from his many mansions.
I can’t verify that they’re accurate, but if they are, you heard it here first…
Tractor
Stitt loves to pander to farmers and rural Oklahomans. He also likes to stick it to big-city liberals, teachers, Native American tribes, vegans, etc. Driving a tractor to the capital each morning and blocking traffic on the Broadway Extension is a great way to accomplish all of that!
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Swadley’s Catering Van
I bet this is Stitt's favorite mode of transport! Seriously, who wouldn't want to munch on some tough brisket, dry ribs, and bland barbeque beans while driving home from work each day? Plus, I bet the extra management and consulting fees he tacks on top of his mileage report really adds up!
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Highway Patrol SUV
Unfortunately, Kevin doesn’t get to drive the State-issued OHP SUV because it’s usually at the auto-body shop.
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Fighter Jet
You can be Stitt's wingman anytime, especially if you donate to his campaign and / or are a member of the Young Presidents Organization! Also, let's admit that if Stitt does win reelection, it will be neat to watch him reenact scenes from Top Gun with Gentner Drummond while flying to work.
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Wakeboard
Cowabunga, dude! Riding the wave to work along the North Canadian River is a bitchin' way to start the day!
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Canoo Van
With rank comes privilege, and nothing shows rank more than driving a prototype vehicle that will probably never be mass produced that is made by a fledgling company you gave millions and millions of tax subsidies to so you can tell people you're bringing jobs to Oklahoma that will possibly never come.
Or something like that.
Horse
Hi Ho Trigger! On casual Fridays, Stitt always makes sure to put on his tightest pair of blue jeans and ride his favorite horse – Foggy Bottom – to the Governor’s mansion, before leaving at noon to play golf with Tommie Harris.
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Ryan Walters SUV
Fun fact – Did you know Ryan Walters is actually Stitt's personal chauffeur? In fact, I've heard they're recording their conversations to flip into an OAN movie treatment called "Driving Mr. Bubba!"
Okay, I made all that up. Ryan Walters isn't Stitt's chauffeur. That's simply his career plan if he loses the State Superintendent election.
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Okay, I think that was actually 8 ways, but whatever. Share yours in the comments.
Stay with The Lost Ogle. We'll keep you advised.
