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Who burned down The Canton? Here are 7 suspects.

5:24 AM EDT on July 5, 2022

Welcome to reruns week at The Lost Ogle!

To help us maintain our sanity (and give us time to chip away at some behind-the-scenes projects), we're taking the week off from producing extremely digestible and clickable Internet content, and will instead be sharing some of our greatest hits from throughout the first half of 2022.

Today we take a look at a story from February that flared up last week – The Canton Apartment fire! Nearly five months after a mysterious five-alarm blaze burned the "high end" complex to a crisp on local election night, authorities are claiming it could have had "electrical origins."

If you believe that, I have some affordable Nichols Hills housing in The Village I'd like to sell you! Obviously, a major cover-up is in the works here, and we know this from watching crime shows on television. We think these seven individuals could still be responsible for the blaze...

Kirk Humphreys

Former OKC Mayor Kirk Humphreys family investment group – Humphreys Capital – was the local investor in The Canton. I'm not good at his brother's new math, but one way of getting out of massive loan payments for an expensive property that wasn't close to generating revenue would be to burn it to the ground. Then again, maybe there was a different reason? Perhaps some of his old audio tapes that reveal his views on women were buried in a vault on the property?

Crazy Carol Hefner

Want to make people forget about your incredibly embarrassing election day flop against Mayor McSelfie and Frankie "Eagle Eye" Urbanic? Go spark a five-alarm blaze that captures all media attention, relegating your hysterically deflating loss to back page afterthoughts!

Kelly Ogle

As we warned last month, nothing is more terrifying than an Ogle scorned. Still bitter from being unceremoniously forced out at News 9, perhaps Kelley started the blaze as an act of civilly disobedient revenge, and to force all other news channels to work late into the night covering the story. That will show them, Bub!

Carly Atchinson

Let's be honest, Stitt's Communication She-Troll Carly Atchison is happiest when she gets to watch the world burn, so maybe she torched the building as an act of therapy to cope with being universally loathed and reviled by her peers on social media? If so, she should just do what I do and smoke a lot of weed.

Michael

I think every time I watch an arson episode on Forensic Files, it always ends up being the firefighter who starts the blaze. On that note, I can't think of any other firefighter in town who would want to burn down a building more than Emily Sutton's hunky firefighter husband Michael. There's a reason the dude always wears orange!

Rick Kirkham 

Joe Exotic claimed Kirkham burned down the GW Exotic Wildlife Park film studio. Knowing what we know about Joe Exotic's credibility, it has to be true. Anyway, since most arsonists are repeat offenders, maybe Rick had something to do with The Canton blaze? If you see him at the site with Jeff Lowe filming a reality show about the clean up, I think we'll know the answer.

Dino Lalli

According to the Ogle Mole Network, Dino "Fire Starter" Lalli's favorite 70's disaster flick is The Towering Inferno. Maybe as an homage to the film, he decided to make his own inferno to treasure? When we see Discover Oklahoma on the scene, we'll also know it's true.

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Anyway, those are our ideas for suspects. Please share yours in the comments.

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