We have bad news for Oklahoma Governor Kevin Stitt, State School Board Members, teachers unions, the local media and everyone else who conspired to bring down Ryan Walters with NudieGate!
He’s been vindicated!
Well, at least that’s what some politicians want us to believe.
Yesterday afternoon, Oklahoma House Speaker Kyle Hilbert – a guy who looks like he’s never seen a real-life boob – announced that after a long, tedious, and deeply erotic investigation, his office has determined that the mysterious images of fully nude women that appeared on a TV in Ryan Walters’ office during a state board meeting were nothing more than a “bizarre accident involving a newly installed television defaulting to a pre-programmed channel.”
According to the Speaker’s crack investigation – which I assume involved poring over hours and hours of retro nude scenes – the images specifically came from the 1985 Jackie Chan movie The Protector.
A very censored version of the movie is available on YouTube, while the R-rated original is available to stream on Tubi.
Although it doesn’t feature the chiropractic tables, Gilligan hats, or other things that board member Ryan Deatherage described to Karl Thorpe, it does appear retro in nature and definitely shows fully nude women working in a drug lab while being monitored and observed by armed men wearing white lab coats.
Obviously, the legitimate media has been all over this story like Ryan Walters on a VPN. The Oklahoman’s write-up is here, Oklahoma Voice’s is here, and KFOR’s is here.
My favorite report, however, came from the delicate hands of William H.P. Nathaniel Banks Archibald Savage III and IV at Yawn Doc.
He and his team of journalism filters went to extraordinary Mr. Skin-level lengths to document the exact time each nude scene in the film occurs:
On July 25, Deatherage and Carson both described the footage they saw as “retro” in nature, with Deatherage comparing it to MASH* or Gilligan’s Island, but with nudity.
Rated “R” and released in 1985, The Protector stars Jackie Chan and Danny Aiello in a story about two New York police officers who travel to Hong Kong after the daughter of a wealthy businessman is kidnapped by a drug lord. While Chan reportedly edited nudity out of the film’s Hong Kong release, a YouTube version of the movie includes at least three scenes with nude women at roughly the 34-minute mark, the 65-minute mark, and the 69-minute mark.
Since I'm a daredevil, I checked out the “after dark” version of The Protector on Tubi and can confirm Non Docs’ reporting – there’s definitely nude women in this movie!
For added measure, there are lots of drugs and guns, too!
In fact, after you toss in Jackie Chan’s stunts and Danny Aiello’s uninspired acting, this movie has all the ingredients you want in a badass B-action man movie. Hell, it’s no wonder school board member Deatherage didn’t speak up about it sooner:
Deatherage said he saw the nudity first during presentations about a Bethany Public Schools transfer denial, but he said he remained silent about it owing to the sensitive topic involving a parent during the meeting’s executive session. Carson saw nudity on the screen later during the private meeting and demanded that Walters turn the TV off.
Asked to estimate the time between when he first saw nudity and when Carson saw “nipples” and “pubic hair,” Deatherage’s answer could align with the movie.
“If I were guessing now, I’d say somewhere around 30 minutes, maybe. I don’t recall. I really don’t,” Deatherage said Tuesday. “What I’m trying to do is think about how long it took the parent to talk and then the (school district) superintendent to talk. So I’m guessing it was somewhere between 15 minutes and 30 minutes.”
In all honesty, you can’t really blame Deatherage for not drawing attention to the scene when he first saw it. I think I speak for everyone when I say I’d rather watch an 80s action movie with guns, violence, and female nudity than Ryan Walters pray to God about a Bethany transfer student.
In addition to that, you have to remember this took place in Ryan Walters’ office, so school board members could have thought it was part of a Fascism in Training video series or something!
Anyway, now that the juicy and titillating details about the film have been verified and released, I guess the next question is "what happens now?"
According to Speaker Hilbert, everything is hunky-dory and Ryan is vindicated:
“In my opinion, the most plausible explanation for what occurred that day is that the television, which had only been in the Superintendent’s office for fewer than two months, automatically launched Samsung’s free streaming service and began playing a film that contained explicit content, without anyone in the room realizing it at the time.
This information seems to vindicate both the State Superintendent as well as the two board members. It is not credible to believe that the Superintendent or any member of his staff intentionally played an inappropriate film in the middle of an active board meeting.”
Yep, nothing to see here!
We just have the Oklahoma Speaker of the House, who refuses to hold Ryan Walters accountable, now officially vindicating him of any wrongdoing in NudieGate.
Everything is good to go!
And if you think there’s a chance that Ryan’s chief henchman – Matt Langston – diabolically turned the TV to that channel in order to generate controversy, get Ryan’s name in headlines, and give them a bigger runway for a gubernatorial run?
Forget about it. That's just logical conspiracy talk. There's no way that good, moral men of character like Ryan Walters and Matt Langston would stoop to such lows.
Plus, you know all the defamatory lies Ryan told about the school board members during that press conference? Or how he accused Kevin Stitt, teachers unions, and the OKC media of conspiring together to attack his character?
Nothing to worry about! Old news!
Well, as long as you're not school board member Becky Carson. Here's what she told Non Doc about Ryan being vindicated.
“My question would be, ‘What is he vindicated of?'” Carson asked. “It proves that we saw what we saw, that we weren’t lying. But it does not erase the fact that he stood before not just Oklahoma — this went worldwide — and so he stood up in front of the world and called us liars, defamed our characters, basically did a character assassination and thinks he can just walk away from it.”
Becky brings up a great point.
Although the nude scene gets all the clicks and interest, this story isn’t about Ryan intentionally or unintentionally exposing school board members in his office to gratuitous full-frontal nude scenes that depict women being forced to strip nude to work in a drug den.
At this point, that’s minor news!
The big story here should be the deranged and demented way he handled the situation!
I get that Ryan’s a bit of a right-wing performance artist, but instead of handling the embarrassment like a normal person – like maybe saying “Holy shit! How’d that get there? Sorry about that,” or cracking a joke and promising to look into it – he went full nut job and accused school board members of lying, suggested they were in league with Kevin Stitt, teachers unions, and the local media, and then claimed they were all conspiring together to assasinate his charachter becasue they were scared as school choice.
The claims, like everything he does, were outrageous and stupid and disingenuous.
Basically, he didn’t just expose a school board to a retro bushy nudie scene — he exposed himself as a lying piece of shit, one who’ll say and do anything for attention, and – just like the President he tries to emulate – is unfit to hold public office... which means he'll probably be our next Governor.
Stay with The Lost Ogle. We’ll keep you advised.
