This past weekend, lawmakers, lobbyists, grifters, mooches and the people who mate with them descended onto the old Cowboy Hall of Fame for the 2022 Speaker's Ball – a charity gala that serves as the unofficial kickoff to the upcoming legislative session, and is hosted by Oklahoma's Speaker of the House, Mr. Charles McCall,
As in years past, we acquired access to the private photo gallery for the event via the Ogle Mole Network. Being the trollish public watchdog jesters that we are, we thought we'd utilize American fair use laws and provide some commentary about some of them with you!
From all accounts, House Speaker Charles McCall had a great time at his party. He used the extravaganza as an opportunity to mingle with old white men...
Yuck it up with old pals...
And have dreamy psychedelic dances with his wife...
Obviously, a lot of time, planning, and money went into the event. They spared no expense to make sure the Golden Corral devotees in attendance had a more than memorable experience.
There was live Life Church-style entertainment...
A lawmaker talent show featuring State Rep Tammy Townley – the lady who wants to make the bible the official book of Oklahoma – and Jay Steagall – a guy who wants to give more power to our corrupt sheriffs...
And, of course, what party wouldn't be complete without a weird bush wall featuring zombie mannequin hands holding wine glasses...
Just like with any glitzy formal event, there was a photographer on hand to take prom-style photographs of the guests.
I spent 30 minutes scrolling through what felt like an infinite photo gallery freak show to select my 10 Best Dressed Couples for the Oklahoma Speakers Ball. Here they are:
Hey, it's Stitt's education bro Ryan Walters! With his self-inflicted controversy fading away, he handsomely wowed the Speaker's Ball with his patented skinny-tie and stylish suit. I'm not sure who his date is or where she's substitute teaching, but her stylish red dress got more attention than a school bus stop sign!
–
The guy with the country-hot arm candy who looks like he had one too many amaretto sours is Brad Boles. He's the State Rep who's announced to the world on the House floor that he cares about "colored babies." From all accounts, he and his wife treated this event like they were virgins heading to the Marlow High School Prom.
Check this out:
Geeze. They may want to spray down the Colcord elevator with some sanitizer.
–
That's Oklahoma lawmaker Ross Ford! He's the guy who got the jailhouse DUI call from that drunk lawmaker back in 2019. Fun Fact – those are the exact same outfits he and his wife wore when they were crowned Mr. & Mrs. Blue and Gold Sausage in 2017!
–
I guess only one person got the memo that they were dressing up as Clue characters for The Speaker's Ball. Hint: It's Mrs. Peacock. Seriously, couldn't the guy have worn a leopard print ascot to go with her shawl, or would that have been too much?
–
The guy in the Magenta blazer is State Rep Logan Phillips. He recently introduced a law that would legalize shrooms in Oklahoma, which probably explains why he and his date look like they chewed a gram or two before the event.
–
Hey, it's State Rep Sean Roberts! He's a TLO regular who painted the "Let's Go Brandon" Santa mural for a Christmas parade. He obviously dressed like his hero Donald Trump for the event. Although he looks more like an oversized Trump bop bag than the actual president, it's a good look that somehow makes him look even more punchable!
–
This couple makes the best-dressed list just for that necklace alone. What exactly is that, and in what type of ritual did she earn it? I think it's a crucifix, surrounded by a horseshoe, with a bunch of skeletons on the chain. Maybe it's from the James Avery "Dark Arts" collection or maybe it's a Pandora necklace thing and each figurine is a one-of-a-kind charm? Then again, they could just represent the people she's personally buried in the desert. Who knows?
–
Holy Homeschoolers! Are State Rep. George Burns and his wife attending the Speaker's Ball or a second cousin's funeral in Nowata? That being said, I do like the look. Thanks to a variety of bills that Burns has introduced, the attire definitely matches the dreary tone of the upcoming session.
–
"Hey, what should we wear to Speakers Ball?"
"I don't know. How about something that reminds people of that nasty black and orange-wrapped Halloween candy."
"Perfect. I have just the outfit!"
–
When I first saw this photo, I thought Marjorie Greene's sister attended the Speaker's Ball with Spanky – the former Little Rascal who owns Spanky's "Real Swell" Cars on NW 39th – but then I did some googling and learned Spanky actually died in 1993 at the age of 64, and obviously, the dealership is now under different ownership.
Anyway, since that's obviously not Spanky, I don't know who else could there be posing with Ms. Green's sister. Any guesses?
–
Anyway, that's what I'm going with for the 10 Best Dressed Couples at The 2022 Speakers Ball. Trust me – I could have gone with about 200 different couples, so trimming it down to 10 was tough and basically a lottery. If you missed the cut, consider yourself lucky. Also, if you want to do what I did and hit up about 20 people until someone gives you the password, you can check out the full gallery here.
