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Report: Joni Riley to retire from DHS today

8:30 AM EDT on March 31, 2021

The State of Oklahoma is down another great employee!

We have learned via the Ogle Mole Network that Joni J. Riley – a Programs Administrator in Child Care Services – is retiring from the state today after 31-years on the job.

Yes, that's correct. THE Joni Riley is stepping down as a Programs Administrator. As the famed Joe Exotic would say, I'm not sure the State will ever be able to financially recover from this.

A life-long Oklahoman, Joni originally worked in state government as a wide-eyed, recovering-hippie in the 1970s. She then got hooked up with an eccentric weirdo art teacher, got married, and promptly quit. A few years later, on April 13th, 1978, she gave birth to an incredibly handsome and talented son. A few years after that, on Halloween night in 1982, she gave birth to another son – although, sadly, he was a little less talented and handsome than the first.

In the late 1980s, while raising those two boys with the eccentric weirdo art teacher (a.k.a her husband) in a tiny two-bedroom house on the southside, Joni made a life-changing decision – she went back to school to get a degree, rejoin the workforce, and start a career.

While fulfilling her motherly duties by day (driving kids to school, yelling at them for not putting up their shoes, feeding them a special casserole dish called "Joni Surprise"), she attended OCCC at night. After a couple of years there, she then transferred to Central State when it was still Central State.

Then, with a bachelor's degree just on the horizon, the unexpected happened: she was pregnant...again! Later that year, right around Thanksgiving, she had another less-handsome and less-talented son. Undeterred, Joni powered through and earned a Bachelor's Degree in Accounting, and in the process, help maintain the UCO Commuter Mom School stereotype.

Freshly armed with her Accounting degree, Joni eventually scored a full-time job with DHS in 1994. Although her job title, roles and co-workers would change over the years, her commitment to serving her state didn't. It's the place she'd call her work home for the next 27 years, until today.

Anyway, I'm telling you about Joni Riley's retirement, and her very condensed life story, for a couple of reasons:

A) We have thousands and thousands and thousands of state employees who work their asses off and don't get any respect or recognition from the media. They perform thankless jobs to make sure our state government – despite all the attempts by Derplahoman lawmakers to sabotage it – still operates and serves its citizens effectively. They deserve more recognition than they currently receive, or will probably ever get.

B) She's my favorite state employee! Well, at least she was! Joni's never had it easy, but has always worked hard for the betterment of herself and her family, and I'm incredibly proud of everything she's accomplished. I wish her a super happy retirement, and can't wait to finally have a babysitter on demand. Love you, mom / grandma-ma! I hope your retirement is great.

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