As we enter the last part of the year where the Nero-level vanity and fascism entered into pure absurdity, we witnessed one of the most absurd moments of Trump's ill-fated political career. In September, as part of a political stunt, five boats in a 'boat parade' near Austin, TX sunk. Thoughts & prayers etc.
Here's what happened 'round these parts in September:
Edmond woman to teach classes on how to prep for upcoming Civil War
Date: September 17, 2020
What We Said: "Wouldn’t it be great to wake in the morning to see that some lady you probably met online in an anti-vaxxers group tagged you in a post to help plan and prepare for the next Civil War? What an honor! Facebook should add a “Allow Friends to tag you in posts calling for open civil rebellion?” toggle button to its privacy settings."
What We Learned: For a party that has been in charge of America and Oklahoma for most of my life, these people are very fearful that their grip of power will be terminated.
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Jimmy Kimmel makes fun of Oklahoma on Emmys broadcast…
Date: September 21, 2020
What We Said: "That’s pretty cool! I’ve lived in Oklahoma my entire life, and I have made a career out of making fun of the place, so it’s neat to see our state and its backward culture being mocked on the national stage, especially when it doesn’t have anything to do with tigers, tornadoes or teenage pregnancy. Thanks, anti-maskers!"
What We Learned: We were asking for it, to be sure. But if there's anything less funny than Jimmy Kimmel, it's Jimmy Kimmel in an empty auditorium with a piped-in laugh track.
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Enid woman who had to poop during traffic stop becomes Internet star
Date: September 22, 2020
What We Said: "Yikes! And you thought it was uncomfortable to poop at your new boyfriend or girlfriend’s house for the first time! Imagine how awkward it must be to do it while in handcuffs in the backseat of a car while a cop watches you in the rearview mirror?"
What We Learned: This woman had to shit herself in the back of a cop car on her birthday for the crimes of not wearing a seatbelt and having drugs. Cops are cool, these blue lives sure are stepping up to keep us safe and happy.
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Dumb OU Students Don’t Care About Coronavirus
Date: September 14, 2020
What We Said: "Just as OSU students taught us why we shouldn’t open college campuses, OU students reminded us why we probably shouldn’t be treated to the joy and privilege of college football."
What We Learned: Absolutely nothing, as pretty much every collegiate and professional sport is back and open for business. March Maskness is going to be quite an interesting debacle to witness.
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The Architectural Fear and Petroleum Dread of Bartlesville, Oklahoma
Date: September 10, 2020
What We Said: "As we left, a lone woman behind the desk asked us what we thought about the museum. My ladyfriend, always genteel, said it was “interesting” while I, far less genteel, quipped “Frank Lloyd Wright? More like Frank Lloyd Wrong!” to the mass laughter of what I’m sure are the thousand dead souls invariably trapped in the tower forever."
What We Learned: There's a lot of weird odds & ends around the state of Oklahoma. Most are more odds than ends, but it doesn't hurt to explore them now and then.
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Stay tuned this week for more TLO memory-holes!
