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5 Oklahoma Confederate monuments that must be torn down…

9:23 AM EDT on August 16, 2017

It's utterly baffling that we're living in the post-post-post-modern future of 2017 and somehow, Nazis are dominating our national conversation. On Friday, a plague of khaki-clad white nationalist scum descended on Charlottesville, VA with Polynesian tiki torches they bought from Home Depot. We all know what happened on Saturday, when people marching with swastika flags and weaponry clashed with counter-protesters that didn't take too kindly to racist bigots trying to take back their power, leading to a death and several savage beatings.

Obviously, white nationalism is the huge topic right now, and many states have been making the wise decision to remove monuments to the Confederacy. The far right will cry, "It's heritage, not hate!" What is that heritage? A war fought over slavery. The far right will then say, "The Civil War was fought over state's rights." Sure, primarily the right to own human beings. Apparently, America has monuments to its ugly racist history for the same reason that Germany has all those famous statues of Adolf Hitler everywhere, right?

And although Oklahoma wasn't even an actual state during the Civil War, there are still several monuments around the state memorializing the soldiers who died defending the rights of people to own African-Americans as property. It's important to remember this history, which is why it's all in books and museums. Marble slabs and plaques that commemorate and glamorize those who fought on the wrong side of history are unnecessary now. Here are 5 of them that no one should shed a tear about should they come down:

Bryan County Courthouse

Here, we have a rifle-toting cracker standing proud in front of the Bryan County Courthouse. Its inscription reads,  “Erected in memory of our gallant Confederate soldiers, by the Julia Jackson Chapter, U.D.C. A.D. 1917.” I dunno if this guy is a Gallant, he looks more like a Goofus (Sorry, TLO has stooped to a new low with Highlights For Children references).


Garvin County, Wynnewood

This one has gotta be the most fucked up. We all know there is some kooky stuff in the Wynnewood water, but this is just nuts. It was erected in 2004- barely over a decade ago. It contains the text, "Though ragged and weary, tired and poor, he boldly made the fight. Though fate denied him victory, can truth deny him right?" IT'S JUST STRAIGHT UP SAYING THE SOUTH SHOULD HAVE WON.


Wheeler Elementary School

Ok, so this one shouldn't actually be torn down, since it's a school and all, but it wouldn't surprise me if it were closed anyways because of the bumbling actions of our state government. But it is being considered for a name change, along with three other OKCPS schools. Although Wheeler's mascot is a cute tiger, its namesake is from a Lieutenant General and Commander of the Confederate calvary, so he most definitely killed a lot of people in the name of racist plantation owners.


Old Paris Flea Market

Okay, while technically not a Civil War monument, Old Paris Flea Market is one of the few places in the state where you can purchase authentic racist merchandise. It's basically the souvenir gift shop of the local nazis and white supremacists.


Tahlequah, Cherokee National Capitol

This one is a bit peculiar compared to the rest. Not only does it contain a drinking fountain, which at least makes it functional, but it's also a tribute to Stand Watie. He was the only Native American to attain the title of brigadier general in the Civil War, and also the last Confederate general to surrender. He fought with the Confederacy, however, because his family owned hundreds of slaves.

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