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5 things in Oklahoma that should be given gun rights

10:28 AM EST on December 14, 2016


There are a lot of problems in Oklahoma. The state budget has been screwed for a while now. Medical and mental health care systems are abysmally ignored and underfunded. Teachers, and even little league football coaches are quitting their professions or bouncing out-of-state for better working conditions. The economy, which isn't very diverse, has been in a downhill slide because of a stagnant energy industry that also causes man-made earthquakes.

With these and more problems to solve, you'd think that it should be a productive legislative session. That's why Senator Josh Brecheen has decided to shoulder the load and spend his time devising serious, real-world solutions to the state's ailments, and submit four new bills to increase the availability of handguns.

From NewsOK:

Statewide officials would be able to carry a firearm anywhere in Oklahoma under a bill that has been introduced in the Legislature.

Sen. Josh Brecheen, R-Coalgate, said threats to public officials make the proposed law necessary.

People in high-profile positions can fall victim to unstable people, he said.

"There's an epidemic of people wanting to be famous in their last act," Brecheen said.

The legislation, Senate Bill 6, would also give the same rights to federally elected or appointed officials. Completion of a handgun qualification course would be required.

There are many places in Oklahoma where people currently are not allowed to carry firearms, including the state Capitol.

If the bill were approved, statewide officials – including the governor, the lieutenant governor, the treasurer and the state auditor and inspector — would be able bring their guns inside the state's signature building, which is secured by Oklahoma troopers operating metal detectors.

Aside from this bill, Brecheen has also authored three others focused on getting more firearms inside schools, and making them cheaper to license. With the state facing such a downfall, and with his prerogative being having more guns in the state, wouldn't it be a good idea to increase the fees so the state could make up for some of its deficit? I'm not an economic wizard by any means, but it seems like a weird way to deal with Oklahoma's financial problems.

But maybe we're focusing too much on getting guns to people, and not other things. Here are 5 inanimate objects and abstract concepts that should have expanded gun rights:

Median 2

1. Medians

These medians are threatened by the citizens of Oklahoma City, especially the homeless, vagrants, and firefighters who occupy them. There is no one around to defend these at-risk medians, and no one to speak up for them, save for a few brave city councilmen. Let's arm the medians to keep them safe from dangerous trespassing intruders!



2. Earthquakes

Earthquakes- what are they? What causes them? Where do they come from? We will never know the answers to these questions, but sadly, there are people out there who want to blame the poor, innocent energy companies. The industry doesn't deserve that kind of slander, and this year the state government even moved to take actions to limit wastewater injections to somehow slow down the seismic movement.

If it's true that the earthquakes are tied to drilling, they could become an endangered event. If they don't have guns to protect themselves from environmentalists, those early mornings of being shaken out of bed by a 5.8 could become only a fond memory.




There's a war brewing in this country- a war on Christmas. Even though there approximately 70 different holidays celebrated in America between Thanksgiving and New Year's Eve, trying to encapsulate all of them by saying "Happy Holidays" is like firing a smoldering salvo at the heart of America. If you're a barista, dealing with hundreds of people every day and trying your damndest to accommodate all of them by using a vague, blanket platitude, you're a front-line foot soldier in the War On Christmas.

If Christmas is going to survive for another season, we need brave legislators to step in and allow the holiday to bear arms, or else the war will be lost.




Oklahoma just can't leave its bathrooms alone. After trying to pass transphobic bathroom laws earlier in the year, now they're looking to mandate signage that would try to guilt women out of aborting a pregnancy. How bout we start hanging up those yellow snakey "DON'T TREAD ON ME" flags, allow each stall and sink to carry assault rifles, and keep the guv'ment out of our washrooms?


10 commandments monument broken

Religious monuments

Everyone knows that America's founding principles are based on the bible- the JESUS BIBLE, thank you very much. That's why we adopted the second commandment into the constitution: "Thou shalt have the right to bear arms." And every time when we try and get a giant stone monument dedicated to the 10 commandments, those pesky heathens in the Supreme Court say we can't do it.

Religious monuments should be allowed the same 2nd amendment rights as every other red-blooded American: the right to say, "If you want to take my gun, you'll have to pry it from my cold and lifeless granite features."

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