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Yukon PD is going after those pesky Pokémon Go players…

12:55 PM EDT on July 14, 2016

Well, I guess it's time for our obligatory trending online media article about Pokémon Go.

I made the plunge and downloaded the app a couple of days ago. Outside of giving the publishers access to everything in your Gmail account, and the fact that you look like one of the world's biggest tools while playing it, the game is a decent waste of time, and from a cultural perspective, much more tolerable than the Harlem Shake.

Here's my avatar:

pokemon go

I make for one good-looking, blue-haired, cartoon lesbian, don't I?

The game has been a big smash here at the KFOR offices. Everyone plays it, but it's almost become a deadly distraction. For example, ever since it's been named a Pokéstop, Emily Sutton's she-shed has received quite an array of unusual visitors. And just yesterday, two Social Media Bandits nearly drowned in the pond while trying to catch a Polliwag for Linda Cavanaugh. Fortunately, KOCO's Abigail Ogle was close by, and after capturing the creature with one toss of her Pokéball, brought the bandits to shore and resuscitated them. Say what you want about the media rivalries in this city, we all go out of our way to help each other.

Broadway Extension and N. Britton Rd. isn't the only place in town where Pokémon Go has gone from a fun little game to a dangerous pastime. Apparently, it's causing civil unrest in Yukon.

Via News

Pokémon Go" has surged to become a viral hit. You've probably seen the gamers walking around in packs with their face glued to their phone.

Police departments across the country have put out warning to the players and now Yukon police are cracking down.

Pokémon hunters now fill parks across the country, gamers on a mission to catch them all. Even after the sun goes down the quest continues at Yukon's City Park, 2200 S Holly Avenue.

“The park is usually full of people. We were out here I think it was Monday and there was like 70 or 80 people just kind of running around the park,” said Rowdy Goodin, a "Pokémon Go" player.

It's become a real problem for police. Over the past week, Yukon officers responded about 77 check subject calls at least half of the calls were related to people playing "Pokémon Go."

Attention all Yukon residents! Stay inside and lock your doors! People are at the park playing a game on their phones! Oh, the humanity! Expect martial law to be declared by sun down!

It's become a real problem for police. Over the past week, Yukon officers responded about 77 check subject calls at least half of the calls were related to people playing "Pokémon Go."

“It's been a nightly event. We're having officers tied up having to go through our city parks,” said Yukon police Major Mitch Hoskins.

On Tuesday night, officers kicked out dozens of player wandering through the park. Two other kids were ticketed, since it was past curfew, when officers found them later in the park after hours playing the game. Yukon is now working to secure parks at night to keep gamers out...

Yukon police said the grace period is up and tickets will now be issued for people in parks after hours.

Boy, don't you miss the good old days when teenagers would simply drive around neighborhoods smashing mailboxes and egging cars? Now they're hanging out at parks in Yukon and not causing any trouble! The world sure is going downhill fast.

Seriously, as Mike Gundy would say, "Where are we at in society today?" I have an idea for the Yukon police. Why don't they just chill out and let the people have fun playing a harmless game at the park? Who cares what time it is. Once again, there are many other things bored kids can be doing on a hot summer night other than trying to capture imaginary creatures with their phones.

"But Patrick! We have rules for a reason. What if something bad happens?"

Well, then that's what you get for trying to capture imaginary creatures with a phone at a park after midnight.

Anyway, I'm really hoping this is the last article I have to write about Pokémon Go for the week. I thought about coming up with a list of local landmarks that would make great Gyms, but there's a Meowth in my backyard and I need to catch it.

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