Normally I like to criticize the local media when they run sensational news reports designed to drum up irrational fear and paranoia for the sake of easy TV ratings, but I'm all for it on this one.
Yesterday, KFOR ran a report on the hidden dangers of those annoying, overly cheery color runs that happy people seem to enjoy so much. Apparently the corn starch that Roy G. Biv throws at them while they run through Midtown is extremely flammable and may lead to a hot, fiery, and somewhat colorful, death.
Well, at least that's what the fearmongers at KFOR are telling us:
Color runs are all the rage right now.
Joggers and walkers are caked in a tsunami of brilliant powder.
"You look like a giant ornament," said runner Rachel Suddeth. "It's fun!"
An event scheduled for this summer in Oklahoma City is billed as "10,000+ pounds of colorful food-grade cornstarch transforms you into a vibrant rainbow."
"They just blast you with these colors," said runner Leila Adlamini. "Everyone gets together, and you try to get blasted in the face completely."
But, what many don't realize - corn starch, under the right conditions, can be highly flammable.
Man, I wish I would have known about this on my recent business trip to Philadelphia. On Sunday morning, I stopped by Geno's and Pat's – two iconic, touristy Philly steak restaurants located across the street from each other Walgreens-CVS style – to see A) which place had the best sandwich, and B) how they compare to OKC's best Philly steak, which as we all know, is served at the Charley's Steakery (or whatever they call it) in the Penn Square Mall food court.
After spending 20 minutes looking for street parking in an old school neighborhood that looks like it belongs in a Scorsese movie, I made my way to the neighboring restaurants. While I was practicing how to order my sandwich, I noticed there were color runners everywhere. They were waiting in line, taking up space on picnic tables, sneezing purple powder, posing for selfies to annoy all their friends, etc. It was awful. Who knew that all I had to do was strike a match to send them running to the Liberty Bell. What a wasted opportunity.
Okay, I'm joking. I believe lighting people on fire just because you don't want to wait in line at a tourist trap is wrong, regardless of how happy and annoying those people may be.
p.s. - Pat's (wit wiz) is the best cheese steak I'd ever had. Geno's was okay. If you ever find yourself in downtown Philly, I'd recommend trying them both. Just remember to bring a match.