Last week, Marisa told you about the pathetic soul who grinches his way through local neighborhoods stealing packages from people's porches. KFOR dubbed this low-life thief the "Porch Pirate," because you know, the media has to give criminals cute names to get people to watch the news.
Apparently the looting and plundering of the Porch Pirate and its hearties has caused one Oklahoma City resident to develop his own form of vigilante justice. His name is John Karlin. For some reason, KTRT out of Houston has his story:
One man in Oklahoma has a nasty surprise for thieves trying to steal packages from his porch.
John Karlin knows firsthand what it's like to have packages stolen. Earlier this year, thieves stole medication and a costume off his porch.
So now he is scaring off thieves by creating crazy concoctions -- even using dog waste.
Karlin said, 'I have different surprises in each one. You may have a broken Xbox, a dead squirrel and duck sauce here. Some dog poop, so you never know what you're going to get when you steal stuff off my porch."
Karlin hopes the idea catches on, and says that he thinks everyone should protect themselves especially this time of year.
That's hysterical. Although I do have to ask, is this really the smartest thing to do? These are not common thieves. They're Porch Pirates! Arg! They're vicious, nomadic marauders roaming from neighborhood to neighborhood in search of romance, adventure and booty. They are not to be messed with!
Okay, not really, but if you stole a package from someone's front porch, took it home, opened it, and discovered it was filled with dog shit, sweet n' sour sauce and squirrel legs, you'd probably remember which house the package came from and then FedEx something equally disgusting in return. Pirates always seek revenge!