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If praying for rain doesn’t work, turn to mad science…


After four years of unanswered prayers to God, the City of Lawton has announced a new plan to bring rain to Oklahoma's armpit. They're turning to the mad science of cloud seeding.


City officials hope to begin seeding clouds across southwest Oklahoma on Wednesday. The program is the first weather modification effort in the state in more than a decade.

The Oklahoma Water Resources Board approved Lawton’s application for a weather modification permit Tuesday during a meeting at the board’s Oklahoma City office. In a separate request last month, the board granted a weather modification license to Seeding Operations and Atmospheric Research, or SOAR, a cloud seeding contractor based in Wichita Falls, Texas.

First of all, I'd like to apologize to all the chemtrail conspiracy theorists out there. I still don't believe that our incompetent federal government is trying to brainwash us by dumping toxins in the sky, but I don't blame you for being paranoid. If the government was trying to poison all of us, Lawton would be a great place to start.

Here's how the cloud seeding works:

Between now and the end of August, a twin-engine Cessna 340 will fly over southwest Oklahoma and northeast Texas, spraying silver iodide and calcium chloride particles into storm clouds. The particles are designed to cause water droplets in the clouds to condense around the particles and fall as rain, said Gary Walker, project manager for SOAR.

It’s a technique Walker’s company has used in northeast Texas and further-flung places such as India and Turkey.

When it works, Walker said, the technique can increase rainfall by 10 percent or more. But it only works as part of a larger water strategy that includes planning and conservation, he said.

I don't really agree with this plan. When does seeding for anything ever work? There's a reason we turn to fresh sod and potted tomato plants from Home Depot over seeds. This just seems like a waste of money. They should have followed my suggestion and figured out a way to steal the rain from Seattle. I bet Mike Morgan has some secret weather machine he's been working on in his basement that they could borrow.

If that doesn't work, maybe they should pray to a different god. In 2011, Mary Fallin prayed for rain, and in 2013 other local preachers did the same. Obviously God is indifferent to southwestern Oklahoma, otherwise he would have made it rain and not have abandoned his wife at the Lawton El Chico. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, change religions.

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