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ICYMI

Robbing a Subway looks kind of fun…

11:12 AM EDT on October 2, 2014

subway robbers

Authorities are asking for the public's help in locating the criminal masterminds pictured above. The geniuses – who are sure to become regulars on either TruTV or the slapstick comedy circuit – broke into an Oklahoma City Subway on Sunday morning. They were so bad they had to it twice.

Via News 9:

OKC Police Look For The 'Bumbling Burglars'

Oklahoma City police are looking for two “bumbling burglars” who broke into a Subway restaurant twice in the early morning hours of Sunday, September 21.

According to police, it happened at the Subway restaurant, located at 2720 S.W. 29th Street. The suspects reportedly threw a large rock through the glass door and entered the business.

Surveillance cameras in the restaurant captured the entire incident. Police said after the two committed the first burglary, the female suspect changed clothes, and both suspects returned to commit the second burglary.

As seen in the surveillance video, the two had quite a bit of trouble while committing the crime. At one point during the first burglary, the male suspect fell to the floor, but he managed to hold on to his cigarette.

At one point during the second burglary, police said the male suspect slammed the register on the ground, causing the attached power cord to hit him on top of his head.

Police said the two stole a safe containing about $1,500.

So they robbed a Subway twice in the same night and all they got was a safe filled with $1,500? What idiots. If you're going to rob a Subway, the first thing you go for is that nuclear fission super oven. That thing is insane. In 20-seconds, it can turn a spongy bread-like substance topped with a glob of preservative-infused proteins into a scalding hot semi-edible creation that resembles a sandwich. The second thing I'd steal is that little tray they use to remove the "sandwiches" from the super oven. I think it protects you from the radiation or magic they use to power the thing.

Here's the mildly amusing video of the capers putting in way too much effort to steal a Subway safe:

Wow, they are idiots... and likely current or former friends with Subway employees! By the end of the clip, I was expecting them to slip on some Hot Wheels and for an old man to hit them in the head with a snow shovel.

Here are a couple of questions:

How do you break into a Subway twice in one night and not at least make a couple of footlongs? That's what I would have done. Hell, making your own sandwich seems like it would be fun to do every now and then, especially when some lady is in front of you ordering 10 footlongs for her office. You could even give yourself extra mayo and not feel public shame.

How does Subway not have a security alarm? Are they really that apathetic about their business? They probably just figured nobody would be stupid enough to rob a Subway safe. I guess that's what you get for underestimating dumb Oklahomans.

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