I'm one of those poor unfortunate souls whose eyes water, nose runs, and lungs wheeze every year between April and June. Happy Hour on patios, a joyous occasion for a child-free twentysomethings like myself, turn into evenings of sneezing in my beer and blowing my nose into those stupid flimsy cocktail napkins. All of the cutesy pictures I like to take at outdoor weddings--and yes, there are a lot of those lined up this season--are borderline ruined because my arms have freaky-looking hives all over them. Forget tornadoes--my puffy eyes and red nose is enough to send small children into hiding.
According to all the news outlets I've encountered, we're in for a particularly treacherous allergy season due to our long harsh winter. Funny, because last year I remember them saying that our allergy season would be worse than usual because of the remarkably mild winter we had. Anyways, News 9 has provided us with a few tips on how to cut your exposure to allergens for the next few weeks:
• Keep windows closed at night, and if possible use air conditioning which cleans, cools and dries the air.
• Try to stay indoors when the pollen and mold counts are high. If your symptoms are severe, wear a pollen mask if long periods of exposure are unavoidable. When you return indoors, take a shower, shampoo your hair and change your clothes.
• Avoid mowing or raking leaves which stirs up pollen and molds. Avoid hanging sheets or clothes outside to dry.
• Keep your windows closed when traveling by car.
Thank you, captain obvious. While I'm at it, I'll be sure not to dive into flower beds or dust my face with ragweed dander either.
My doctor had some silly excuse for why one can't have loratadine, singulair, and albuterol mainlined into my bloodstream with an IV, so I guess we're just stuck battling hay fever the regular ol' way. Here's a few tips and tricks I've rounded up. Check them out after the jump.
1. Don't buy a fluffy dog who spends his days rolling in dandelion patches.
I learned this one the hard way.
2. Slip a shot of vodka into your Netipot.
I'm fairly certain this could kill you, but at least your nasal cavities would be clear.
3. Read about the Hobby Lobby Case.
We must maintain our religious freedom as a company by using our beliefs to deny certain healthcare benefits that we don't like to our employees. But on the positive side, the annoyance, agitation, or flat-out fury you feel while trying to understand where the hell they're coming from will take your mind off of your stuffed-up nose and itchy eyes. In this same vein, try keeping up with Christina Fallin or reading education blogs about Janet Barresi.
4. Develop an interest in sappy harlequin romance novels.
Sure, people would think you're a real weirdo, but at least it'd explain your chronic watering eyes and drippy nose.
5. Start a new Netflix series.
Addictive television shows are the reason why I've voluntarily forgone dates, concerts, Thunder games, and booty calls. They're a great reason to not leave the house (or shower).
6. Embrace your new raspy voice.
Phoebe on FRIENDS did this once. I kinda enjoy the gravel in my voice this time of year--it makes me feel like a hot lesbian.
7. Take a bunch of Nyquil.
Sleeping for 2 months would solve allergy problems too, I think.