KFOR is investigating the strange sounds that one crazy man is hearing in Moore….
3:16 PM EST on January 9, 2014
On Tuesday, KFOR sent Ashley Kringen into the field to investigate strange sounds coming from Moore. We decided to break down the story as part of our new 2014 series "KFOR will do a news report on fucking anything."
Here we go....
The segment begins with ex-beauty pageant contestant Ashley Kringen talking to some dude named Chris Martinez about a loud ringing sound he's hearing in his Moore neighborhood.
Residents in Moore and southwest Oklahoma City took to Facebook after hearing a loud rumble and roar early Monday morning...
The sound Chris Martinez hears often in his Moore neighborhood is an unforgettable ringing.
Martinez said, “It’s a loud sound then it completely stops.”
Well that narrows it down. It rumbles, roars and leaves an unforgettable ringing sound. It's a train, right? That would make logical sense. Obviously they went to a train expert to find out why:
Austin Holland, with the Oklahoma Geological Survey, said,”We looked at our seismic records and there’s nothing that would indicate that this was associated with ground motion.”
After ruling out an earthquake, seismologists said the sound could have traveled from somewhere else.
Experts said if it’s a quick shaking, it’s an earthquake.
If it’s a large rumbling, it could be a big plane.
Oops. I totally forgot that our news media has to try to tie everything to earthquakes right now. In fact, I heard that KFOR is now requiring their reporters to interview celebrity seismologist Austin Holland for every single news story:
"And according to OGS Seismologist Austin Holland, earthquakes were not responsible for last night's drive by shootings."
"Thanks Linda, and now for tonight's "In Your Corner." A couple from Mustang got a shady deal on shingles, and the local earthquakes may be to blame. Scott Hines has all the details in the newsroom, Scott..."
Actually, that would be kind of cool. It would probably create an Austin Holland earthquake arms race. I bet News 9 would give him a cooking segment at 4:00pm and let him ride around town with The Mud Baby. I bet they call it "Shake N Bake with Austin." It will be probably be sponsored by Devon, Chesapeake, Sandridge and every company that wants Austin to continue denying there's a link to fracking disposal wells and earthquakes.
Anyway, back to the KFOR report. If trains or earthquakes didn't cause the sound, I wonder what did. Could it be a malfunctioning tornado siren, feedback from Toby Keith's home recording studio or the collective "sigh" motorists make when they accidentally get stuck in the line outside Dairy Queen?
Chris Martinez, (a.k.a. the crazy guy who probably called KFOR to report the strange "sounds") has his own theory:
Martinez said, “I’m crazy. I think there are starships. I think there’s some cool space ships that not a lot of people know about.”
He said every time this odd buzz comes around, the dogs in the neighborhood get riled up.
Martinez said, “Whenever they distinguish a different sound, it makes them feel uncomfortable. They have a weird sense about that.”
For those who might think Martinez is crazy, he said through research and personal experience, star ships and spaceships are possible.
Yes, Chris Martinez is not crazy. Not only does he have the research and personal experience to explain that starships are the likely culprit for the sounds, but he basically admitted to getting an anal probe on television. That's totally normal.
Anyway, instead of following up Martinez' statement with the question "What is your personal experience with star ships and spaceships, and can you please remove your aluminum foil hat for the camera?," Ashley decided to get all logical on us:
Others have a different idea.
Holland said, “When you have really cold weather or odd atmospheric conditions, sound can get around, traveling much better in the atmosphere than it normally does.”
Martinez said, “You have different weird things in the sky, you have these weird sounds, you put two and two together and realize, um maybe we don’t know everything.”
Either way, it’s a sound that still remains a mystery.
We did reach out to the Moore Police Department to see if they received any calls about the odd sound early Monday morning.
However, they were not aware of the noise.
Okay, so there's no documented proof that the sounds even exist, and the only person to go on record and talk about them believes they are the result of Star Ships. Good to know, that once again, "KFOR will do a news report on fucking anything."
p.s. - Here's the segment in its entirety: