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ICYMI

Some lady attacked another lady with nunchucks…

8:30 AM EST on December 3, 2013

lisa ward nunchuck master

If I had to rank my favorite things in this world, there's a good chance that lesbians, marijuana and nunchucks would all make the top 100. That means I have a lot in common with both you and Lisa Arlene Ward (pictured above). Lisa was sent to jail after she attacked her girlfriend's "friend" with nunchucks.

From the State's Most Trusted News:

An Oklahoma City woman was being held in the Oklahoma County jail Monday after being accused of attacking another woman with nunchucks, police reported.

Lisa Arlene Ward, 47, was arrested Sunday on complaints of assault and battery with a dangerous weapon, possession of marijuana and possession of drug paraphernalia. She was also arrested on a Cleveland County warrant of failure to appear.

So, how did all this happen? Did the other woman use a Bo staff as self-defense? Were Chinese stars involved? Did they hug it out and eat some pizza with a gigantic mutant rat afterwards?

Here are the details:

Police were called about 2:50 a.m. Sunday to the 3400 block of NW 66 in reference to two women fighting. When officers arrived, the homeowner, Sally Venard, said she had been attacked by Ward with nunchucks, according to an officer's incident report.

Venard told officers that Ward's girlfriend was staying with her because they had been fighting. Ward drove to Venard's home and approached Venard's front porch while swinging nunchucks above her head, according to the report.

Venard said Ward hit the left side of her head. Venard and her friend tackled Ward to the ground and held her down until officers arrived, according to the incident report.

Officers noted that Ward smelled strongly of alcohol, had slurred speech and was in possession of a pipe with marijuana residue.

Ward told officers she had a black belt in karate, and said “I'm a violent b----,” according to the report.

I know this is violent and sad and everything, but wouldn't it be awesome to be the victim's neighbor? You'd have a Thanksgiving memory to last a lifetime:

"Yeah, and then that one lady who looks like a roadie for Tom Petty started swinging nunchucks around her head and hit the one lady pretty good. Then she dropped the nunchucks and did the crane from the Karate Kid, but that didn't work and those two other ladies tackled her and then I think they started kissing and shit and then Dean Blevins showed up and it was all just really strange."

Seriously, I'm jealous that I missed this flannel ninja battle. These ladies could make a lot of money opening up for the midget wrestlers and / or Indigo Girls at the Farmer's Market. Who other than a person with class and a soul wouldn't want to watch that?

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